It's the Sunday TFLN round-up

(814): I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day." http://tfl.nu/1vs8

(+44): He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake.  How was your Valentines Day? http://tfl.nu/3a44

(617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc

(517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc

(916): WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!! http://tfl.nu/wbdy

(609):  Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
(856): Lmao sorry http://tfl.nu/mr80

(661): random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them http://tfl.nu/utqt

(567): Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there.  Bouncers couldn't catch me tho. http://tfl.nu/6eue

(717): Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move. http://tfl.nu/kgo8

(306): Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out? http://tfl.nu/y1by

(615): When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/p92h

(310): My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
(323): If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/54s4

(604): We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES http://tfl.nu/h0lt

(314): CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
(+04): Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you. http://tfl.nu/xp3j

(267): They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment. http://tfl.nu/jokz

(304): I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this? http://tfl.nu/dpdb

(308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d