Micro movie review

Super 8. Not super. Not even an 8. A 7, I think.

Animal headline of the day

Turtles crossing runway cause New York flight delays

I ♥ NYC

From Overheard in New York:

Tourist lady at night: Look at all the lights! There's just something magical about New York.

(steps off curb, looks down) Oh my god! It's a condom!

Random suit behind her: Magical!

--53rd St & 7th Ave

I made it into Overheard in New York

They published my experience on St. Mark's Pl. I actually like their headline/comment.

Plat du jour--guest submission

Another one found by Joanne.

Micro theatre review

Anything Goes: Everyone, go.

Animal headline of the day

'Deer With Wings' Causes East Missoula Power Outage

Flying mammals seem to be a trend this month.

Public service announcement

Estimated taxes are due tomorrow.

Animal headline of the day

Bald eagles attack post office at Alaska port

Somali thugs win one

Somali pirates free Kuwaiti oil tanker

Plat du jour

An Irish person from the Bronx.

Gingrich campaign implodes

Gingrich campaign in tatters as top aides resign

This didn't take very long.

Animal headline of the day

Flying bear kills two Canadians in freak accident

I'm back

For those who haven't been following my doings on facebook or twitter, I've been in Las Vegas for the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend. Now I'm back home. Posting will recommence in its normal, randomly intermittant way.

Semi-random thoughts

• I see that they're going to be doing a production of Peter Pan in The Theater in Madison Square Garden (the Felt Forum, back in my day) in December. It's starring Cathy Rigby. She'll only be 59 years old. 
• I still have my old e-mail address on mail.com. Occasionally I find it useful, but I don't always check it. Recently they put in a new version, and it is as buggy as hell. In the course of 5 minutes it bounced me out to the sign-in screen 3 times.
• The first car service I called refused to suggest a pick-up time to get me to Newark airport by a certain time. The second one I called did suggest a time. Guess which one I'm using.

Living with bobcats LI

Florida: Melbourne Beach couple wants bobcats evicted from their backyard

Arizona: Family of bobcats captured in Anthem neighborhood, Bobcats Reside In North Phoenix BackYard

Virginia: Rabid bobcat brings fight to Floyd County doorstep

Plat du jour--friend submission

It's very small, so it's hard to read, but it says OKIEDOKI. This must be a relative of OKDOKE. Found by Joanne.

Micro movie review

Midnight in Paris--starts slowly, but eventually becomes quite enjoyable, especially if you're into art history or early 20th century literature. Who'da thunk Owen Wilson would become Woody Allen II?

Fail

Somali thug cops a plea

Somali pleads guilty to piracy, hostage taking

Plat du jour

Hi Carly!

Living with bobcats L and mountain lions X

I haven't done one of these in a very long time. Here are some recent ones.

Virginia: Bobcat surprises homeowner, Bobcat in Caroline was rabid

Florida: Bobcat in family's backyard, Bobcat trapped near Melbourne industrial park

Texas: Wildcat seen roaming El Paso for 2nd time in week

Arizona: Bobcat Makes Surprise Visit at Cave Creek Restaurant

California: Bobcat spotted at Spring Valley Lake

Idaho: Reported bobcat sighting over the weekend

North Carolina: Tryon Woman Claims Bobcat Killing Her Cats

Judgment day?

None of the advertisements for this rapture thing list a time. What am I supposed to do, wait around all day? The people running this are worse than the cable company.

Goodbye Madison Square Garden

Since 1975 I've been going to the Millrose Games, almost every year. It's the sole remaining track meet at Madison Square Garden. But now the NY Times reports Millrose Games Expected to Leave Garden for Armory.

Back in the 70's there were three track meets in the Garden each winter. One ventured across the Hudson to the Meadowlands. It didn't last very long there. The national indoor championships moved to a venue with a longer, faster track. The Millrose Games, however, remained. Now it looks like that will change.

Five years ago, back when I was posting long articles, I blogged about the Millrose Games. Not too much changed since then, except the crowds kept getting smaller. This year they put in a rock band to play while they worked on  transforming the track. They didn't even have a men's pole vault.

Assuming it moves, I'm doubtful I'll continue to attend. With all the problems track and field has had with drug cheaters, I'm not nearly as big a fan as I used to be. Most of the changes the Millrose Games have made over the years make the meet less enjoyable for me, not more. It's not nearly as much fun as it used to be--and really not worth the trip to upper Manhattan.

So, farewell, Millrose. Also, farewell, Madison Square Garden.  After the WTA Women's Tennis Championships left the Garden, the Millrose Games became the only event that I go to there. I have no idea when, or if, I'll ever be back.

It's the end of another era, I guess. There seem to be more and more of these, as I get older.

Oops

I totally missed the fact that yesterday was Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you.

This is not good

Info from Osama raid shows interest in US trains

I'm traveling on Amtrak Sunday and Monday.

Plat du jour

I don't understand this one at all. Why would someone want to say hi to someone who hates?

Gorgeous Japanese cherry blossoms

I took this picture at the Cherry Blossom Festival at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden on Sunday. The trees were magnificent.

A great marketing idea

New York bookstore stocks only one book

Plat du jour--guest submission

Another one from Joanne.

Living with coyotes XXIV

The Coyotes of Chicago: Meet the Windy City's Unlikely New Residents

Bad headline of the day

Tragic romance eclipses 2nd-to-last shuttle flight

There is absolutely nothing tragic about their romance. If anything, it's just the opposite--his love and devotion to her is so clear, and I'm sure it has contributed to her recovery.

I also think they used the wrong word to describe the quarantine astronauts enter a week before their flights. It is not a "custom." It is a required procedure, to ensure they are not sick when they start their mission.

The Associated Press really needs to improve its editing.

I need to renew my ACLU membership

Florida pastor jailed after mosque protest barred

This guy is an asshat of the first order, but I really think there's a denial of free speech here. What kind of law sends this kind of question to a jury?

UPDATE: The answer to the question I posed in the previous paragraph: a 19th century law. Florida pastor vows return to protest after ban

Living with coyotes XXIII

Arizona: Coyote bites 2-year-old at Phoenix city park

I seldom post about stupid criminals, but...

I think this guy takes criminal stupidity to a new high (or low):
Gangster’s tattoo showing murder scene leads to his conviction

UPDATE 5/20/11: Man linked to murder by tattoo sentenced to prison

Semi-random thoughts

• I bought a couple of cute skirts at Forever 21. But I wondered why the waistbands were so tall. Then I noticed the tags. They're not skirts, they're tunic tops. I'm still going to use them as skirts, though.
• UPDATE: After trying them on, I found that I could actually wear one of them as a top. I never thought I could do a strapless look, but this worked. I don't wear a bra or my cleavage enhancer. I just keep my corset a little loose at the top, and then slide the bottoms of my breastforms under it. The stretchy bodice of the tunic holds everything in place!
• As I was walking down St. Marks Pl., a guy (black, no surprise) eyed me. As he passed he said, "You look like a man." There was a woman behind me, who had seen me at the previous corner, and she immediately responded, "A sexy man." I love the East Village. 
• I was saddened to hear of the death of Elisabeth Sladen, who played Doctor Who's companion, Sarah Jane Smith, when I first started watching the show. As the first, she will always be special for me.
  
  

Plat du jour--guest submission

A slightly abridged version, found by Joanne.

Semi-random thoughts

• It's always interesting to see people from my past in the news. I worked on my college newspaper, the Daily Cardinal, and now Rena Steinzor, one of the editors-in-chief under whom I served, was quoted in an article about the Obama administration's efforts to review government regulations. She is now the president of the Center for Progressive Reform.
• My Powernet Global long distance phone bill came. It showed a 20 minute call to Israel. Cost: 98 cents. That's only 1 cent a minute more than my U.S. out-of-state calls. And I think it's less than my in-state calls (there weren't any on this month's bill). But less than half of my $8.00 total bill was usage charges. The rest was taxes (25 cents) and government fees.
• I was wondering why taxes aren't due until April 18 this year. The explanation: DC holiday delays federal tax filing deadline (Thank you, President Lincoln.)
  

This sounds quite reasonable

Gov't wants airlines to repay fee after losing bag

Bad news for the Somali thugs

US Navy's laser test could put heat on pirates

I've been sketched again

Artist Luma Rouge has sketched me before. Now she's done it again:

Here she portrayed me tucking a dollar into go-go dancer Charlie Gunn's panties at Beatles Burlesque.

I'm sure glad I shaved my back that day (which I always do when wearing a dress like this, of course).

Many of Luma's burlesque drawings are currently being shown in The Nudie Artist: Burlesque Revived exhibition at NYC's Museum of Sex. I was fortunate to have been invited to the opening a couple of weeks ago. Luma told me they wouldn't let her include her earlier sketch of me because they only wanted performers' images.

Sometimes I have silly thoughts

Ok, I frequently have silly thoughts. I saw this headline:

Volunteers To Replace Trees Damaged By Tornadoes In Queens

and pictured a bunch of volunteers standing with their arms out pretending to be trees.

Plat du jour

I'm still trying to figure this one out. An emergency medical technician from New York is stationed at a Florida Air Force base?

Car clones

Two identical cars parked on my block. I have to wonder whether

• the second driver to park noticed this
• the first driver to return tried to get in the wrong car 

Living with wild turkeys X

Southern NJ Police Shoot Wild Turkey ‘Wreaking Havoc’ On Traffic

Animal headline of the day, or Living with coyotes XXII (take your pick)

N.J. Family Wakes Up To Find Pregnant Coyote In Basement

Yay UAE!

UAE anti-terrorist unit takes ship from pirates

2000 posts!

This is the 2000th post I've put on this blog--which has attracted over 83,000 visits in a bit over 5.5 years. The amazing thing is that people do keep reading it, despite the fact that I seldom write anything very long any more.

As long as people keep reading, I'll keep posting.

Plat du jour--guest submission

A sweet one found by Joanne.

Animal headline of the day

Okla. woman asking to keep disabled kangaroo

Happy April Fool's Day!

Click here

Semi-random thoughts

• It was great hearing Clayelle Dalferes' sultry voice on WQXR last Saturday. This was the first time I had heard it since WQXR was bought by public radio station WNYC about a year and a half ago. She was not retained as a disk jockey host after the change. Apparently she started back as a substitute announcer last fall, but this was the first I knew of it. I blogged a bit about her before, here and here.
• Bing's map directions leave a lot to be desired--at least the public transit ones. I was trying to figure out how long it would take to get from the Empire State Pride Agenda's office on 22nd St. in Manhattan to a certain bar in Brooklyn. When I asked for directions on Facebook, it sent me to Bing. Its suggested route had me getting on an express bus for the 8 block trip to the L train! Google Maps told me to walk 1 block in the opposite direction to 23rd St. and take the N train to the L. 
• It was quite nice to see that the lowly Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Miami Heat, getting some revenge on defector LeBron James and his new team. 

Mixed news about the Somali thugs

Pirates hijack oil tanker off East Africa

(Sort of) animal headline of the day

2,500 rubber ducks stolen from Ill. police academy

Living with coyotes XXI

Coyote delays jets at busy Atlanta airport

Animal headline of the day

Turtle sparks fast-moving blaze in NYC apartment

Yawn headline of the day

Firefighters Put Out Trash Can Fire at Seventh Avenue Subway Station

Living with coyotes XX

Police Warn Rye Residents Of Coyotes

Rye Police Have New Weapon To Fight Coyotes

When the cat's away...

My wife has gone on vacation for a couple of weeks. We're doing separate ones this year--I'm going to the Burlesque Hall of Fame weekend in Las Vegas in June.

So if I'm posting less than usual for a bit, it's because I'm going out more.

Jail for the Somalia thugs

Pirates jailed in 17 nations as prosecutions rise

I'm not sure if I agree about having them serve their jail terms in Somalia. I have to wonder if the jails there are secure enough. Also, the ever-changing situation there might bring to power someone who will just release the criminals from the decades-long terms that foreign courts have sentenced them to. Rehabilitation? It's a fairly moot point for someone serving 30+ years.

UPDATE: Somalia opens prison for pirates, more planned

Semi-random thoughts

• I hate it when catalogues and online sites show models wearing other items over the item they're selling, like a cardigan over a dress. Also, I want a picture of the back of the dress.
• I'm going to see Pat Benatar at BB King's next summer. It's great seeing her in a small venue.
• The fees Ticketmaster tacks on are horrible. For each $75 ticket they added on a $2.00 "Facility Charge" and a $12.25 "Convenience Charge." Then they they added a $3.50 "Order Processing Fee" at the end. Since they are mailing the tickets to me, delivery is free. But if I wanted to print the tickets at home, that would have cost an additional $2.50--which I really think is nuts. It's got to cost them a lot more to mail them.

Bad news for people who never have enough time in the day

Japan’s earthquake shortened the day.

Oops, I almost forgot. Happy Pi Day!

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647

Approximately.

Yay, India! (again)

First this, now: Pirate threatens India after capture of 61 pirates

I'm really glad some countries are standing up to the criminal thugs.

Best TFLN of the day

(443): told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...

http://tfl.nu/9yno

Your tax dollars at work (at least if you're American)

US training quietly nurtured young Arab democrats

Five days of TFLNs

(814): So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

http://tfl.nu/yeac

(401): I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

http://tfl.nu/97ap

(817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

http://tfl.nu/7y9k

(517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

http://tfl.nu/94v6

(587): She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra

http://tfl.nu/6lbp

(513): Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?

http://tfl.nu/gja3

(719): im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata

http://tfl.nu/j3vj

(913): Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.

http://tfl.nu/e9ea

(518): We left an ass print on the piano.

http://tfl.nu/qaoo

(206): In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.

http://tfl.nu/g8w5

(217): This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.

http://tfl.nu/zki5

(845): I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

http://tfl.nu/0jn9

(940): I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.

http://tfl.nu/xysv

(940): Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.

http://tfl.nu/1zvq

(870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

http://tfl.nu/tmep

(651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

http://tfl.nu/l8w8

(902): I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.

http://tfl.nu/q9vl

(406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
(1-406): haha i know

http://tfl.nu/vo1w

(513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

http://tfl.nu/3nu3

(714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

http://tfl.nu/qhid

Fail

Yawn headline of the day (if today were Wednesday)

Tri-State Area Christians Mark Ash Wednesday

Animal headline of the day

Woman goes to Va. court with tiny monkey in bra

Somalia attempts some law and order

Attempt to free Danish family from Somalia fails

I'm glad someone in Somalia is willing to at least try to subdue the thugs.

The latest scams--be careful out there

I've gotten a couple of attempted scams the last couple of days. (I'm not counting the usual e-mails telling me I've won foreign lotteries, etc.) Yesterday I got three text messages saying "HSBC Alert" "Call XXXXXXXXXX." I was immediately suspicious because

1. The message was marked "Unverified-Sender," which to me means my phone company has indications their phone number was forged.
2. I've never given my cellphone number to any bank.
3. I've never had any accounts at HSBC.

I suspect if I called them they'd want me to "verify" my card number and PIN.

Then today, I got a chat message on facebook telling me I was tagged in a video showing me dancing, with a link to some facebook page. The sender was someone I barely know, and I very much doubted he would send such a thing. The link was probably to someplace where I could pick up a computer virus.

My college dorm is nationally ranked--for parties

Sellery named a top-10 party dorm in national survey

I lived in Sellery my freshman year. I'm so proud!

(In case you were wondering, even in my day Sellery was a "co-ed" dorm. I use quotes, because back then, "co-ed" meant women and men were housed in two separate 10 story towers connected on the first floor and basement.)

Two weeks of TFLNs this time

LAST NIGHT

(703): the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign

http://tfl.nu/m52j

(915): You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs

http://tfl.nu/qhlh

(+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

http://tfl.nu/pfxy

(301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

http://tfl.nu/vb8d

(401): We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

http://tfl.nu/48jv

(845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

http://tfl.nu/zqo1

(253): We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?

http://tfl.nu/8b98

(231): the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people

http://tfl.nu/9os5

(207): I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.

http://tfl.nu/vji8

(215): There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

http://tfl.nu/jtzo

(315): found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

http://tfl.nu/yphr

(707): Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

http://tfl.nu/kt4h

(402): He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too

http://tfl.nu/2c7f


SEX

(845): He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.

http://tfl.nu/r9iy

(847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

http://tfl.nu/nasi

(865): In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

http://tfl.nu/9uwy

(504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

http://tfl.nu/5z11

(901): I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"

http://tfl.nu/soyj

(215): he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.

http://tfl.nu/9ic8

(949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

http://tfl.nu/b4pt

(630): He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.

http://tfl.nu/2f5f

(484): scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

http://tfl.nu/oxez

(513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

http://tfl.nu/y2rq


MISCELLANEOUS

(458): Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

http://tfl.nu/m88d

(941): its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.

http://tfl.nu/5tqm

(305): The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever

http://tfl.nu/qxjf

(941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

http://tfl.nu/wjn1

(919): Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

http://tfl.nu/xoz4

(760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

http://tfl.nu/69r6

(763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

http://tfl.nu/ppas

Somali thugs thwarted again

US commandos capture 4 suspected pirates in raid

Micro play review

Good People is good theater.

Headline of the day (if the day were Friday)

Ex-nanny jailed for spiking sex-shop mogul's soup

My picture is in the New York Times!

Well, at least on its website.

www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/03/03/arts/20110304-reading-2.html

I'm down at the lower left corner.

Somali thugs unsuccessful in two attacks

Armed guards open fire as ship attacked off Yemen

Semi-random thoughts

• I renewed my subscription to the NY Philharmonic for next season (and added some extra concerts). They will be playing a larger than normal number of my favorite pieces. This will be my 38th year as a subscriber.
• I wonder how much less outrage there would be over Wall Street "bonuses" if they were just called "discretionary incentive compensation."
• I just dropped the Patricia Field blog from my blogroll, due to her stupid defense of designer John Galliano, who has been accused of making racist and anti-Semitic statements to fellow patrons of a Paris café. He has been fired by Christian Dior. And you won't find me shopping at her store, either.  
  

Somali thugs grab two more--children taken

Danish family's sailboat hijacked in Indian Ocean

UPDATE: Pirate: Captive Danes will die if rescue attempted

Living with coyotes XIX

Little Pet Dog Attacked, Killed By Coyote In Fairfield

Coyote Sightings On The Rise In Connecticut

South Korea indicts Somali thugs

South Korea indicts 5 suspected Somali pirates

Updating this.

UPDATE 5/23/11: Somali pirates go on trial in South Korea

Jane Corwin needs to actually read the Constitution

Jane Corwin, the recently-designated Republican candidate to succeed disgraced Rep. Chris Lee (R-26) from western NY, issued a statement criticizing the Obama administration's decision about the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Attorney-General Holder issued a memo saying that part of DOMA is unconstitutional, and that his office would no longer defend against lawsuits that challenge that section.

Corwin said

“The President of the United States swore an oath to uphold the laws of our great country and as a member of the Executive Branch he needs to enforce those laws, including the Defense of Marriage Act. It is the Supreme Court’s job to consider the constitutionality of the law and the President should not usurp the authority of the Supreme Court.

However, the Presidential oath does not say anything about upholding the law. As specified in Article II Section 1 of the Constitution, the oath is

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

That is exactly what President Obama and his administration are doing--defending the Constitution. Corwin is also wrong that he is usurping the authority of the Supreme Court. The Constitution does not give the Supreme Court the job of considering the constitutionality of laws. It is the job of all three branches of government. (In fact, the question of whether the courts had this power at all was not decided until the landmark case of Marbury vs. Madison in 1803.)

Ms. Corwin, I suggest you brush up on your constitutional law before making any more statements about the jobs of the various branches.

Somali thugs execute the American hostages

I said before that this situation was bad.

4 American hostages killed by pirates off Somalia
I hope the surviving thugs are brought to the U.S. and tried for murder. These criminal gangs should know that taking Americans, and some other countries' citizens, will only bring them death or long prison terms far, far from their homeland. If they kill the hostages at sea, they will certainly never see Somalia again.

UPDATE: 14 indicted in pirate attack on American yacht

UPDATE 5/20/11: Somali pleads guilty to piracy, hostage taking

UPDATE 5/23/11: Pirates killed U.S. couples after warning: court papers

UPDATE 5/24/11: Two more Somali pirates plead guilty in U.S. court

Four weeks of TFLNs, part 3: The rest

VALENTINES DAY

(919): So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

http://tfl.nu/it54

(309): They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend

http://tfl.nu/32kc

(907): I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.

http://tfl.nu/ckwf

(269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

http://tfl.nu/d22v

MISCELLANEOUS

(514): We had to coat check the pizza.

http://tfl.nu/aa4o

(630): im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.

http://tfl.nu/uwyc

(518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

http://tfl.nu/e2rh

(662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

http://tfl.nu/s3lv

(319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

http://tfl.nu/nin0

(804): I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...

http://tfl.nu/tuy1

(907): She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.

http://tfl.nu/lil1

(905): I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

http://tfl.nu/jatg

(443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

http://tfl.nu/d0ly

(630): He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

http://tfl.nu/mxqh

(732): Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.

http://tfl.nu/qv1x

Four weeks of TFLNs, part 2: Sex (or not)

(978): I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

http://tfl.nu/izah

(409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

http://tfl.nu/r0oo

(310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

http://tfl.nu/laj1

(808): she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous

http://tfl.nu/8uf4

(215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

http://tfl.nu/j53c

(850): You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

http://tfl.nu/m7x4

(816): My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.

http://tfl.nu/3uql

(707): then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

http://tfl.nu/54yc

(410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

http://tfl.nu/xvnv

(913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

http://tfl.nu/ey2n

(513): I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.

http://tfl.nu/geoy

(831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

http://tfl.nu/tpz4

WALKS OF SHAME

(630): don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

http://tfl.nu/vso9

(412): Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days

http://tfl.nu/6wcx

Four weeks of TFLNs, part 1: Last night

WHAT YOU DID

(702): You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

http://tfl.nu/41n6

(404): You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.

http://tfl.nu/0upx

(573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

http://tfl.nu/1qa0

WHAT HE DID

(555): After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.

http://tfl.nu/pn7x

I WOKE UP, AND...

(701): Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?

http://tfl.nu/2zni

(305): woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...

http://tfl.nu/ev8f

(858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

http://tfl.nu/efr3

(641): My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.

http://tfl.nu/bmvl

(541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

http://tfl.nu/zy8e

WHAT HAPPENED?

(352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

http://tfl.nu/mdap

(484): I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.

http://tfl.nu/dr6q

(319): Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.

http://tfl.nu/ok73

(647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

http://tfl.nu/shhx

(850): why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?

http://tfl.nu/judd

(304): will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?

http://tfl.nu/g3xm

(+44): Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

http://tfl.nu/iu9j

(204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

http://tfl.nu/3z7i

SPEAKING OF SNOW SCULPTURE

(828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

http://tfl.nu/fz5v

I'M SORRY

(513): Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

http://tfl.nu/e1cd

(785): sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time

http://tfl.nu/vv7s

HOW BAD WAS IT?

(757): The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.

http://tfl.nu/n6wn

There was nothing like this in my trial advocacy course in law school

Judge: So I'll adjourn this trial to April 12, 2012.

Lawyer: They say the world may end in 2012.

Judge: Then I recommend you settle the case.

--Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

From Overheard in New York

Living with wild turkeys IX

Staten Island Residents Getting ‘Turkey Survey’

Somali thug gets his due

I missed this one a few days ago.

Manhattan Judge Sentences Somali Pirate To More Than 33 Years

Plat du jour--guest submission

From Joanne again.

Somali thugs grab Americans--This is not good

Pirates hijack 4 Americans; US mulls responses

I hope they can rescue them somehow, but I'm not too hopeful.

UPDATE: Race organizers name Americans taken by pirates

FURTHER UPDATE: Pirates: Warship shadowing hijacked American yacht

A turtle could have brought it faster

It took the post office 4 days to deliver a letter from my doctor to me. He's about 30 blocks away.

Semi-random thoughts

• Some people just won't accept an apology.
• The sidetrip to Jordan segment of my wife's trip to Israel next month has been cancelled.
• My doctor prescribed a nasal spray to help my irritated nasal passages. I sent the prescription to my insurance company's mail order department, along with a request to refill two of my other prescriptions. Over the weekend I got an e-mail and a phone message telling me my insurance plan didn't cover it. So I called my doctor's office to ask them for a prescription that could be filled locally. Sometimes my insurance company will cover things locally that are not covered by mail order.  I was told they were mailing the prescription right out. That was yesterday. Today I got a package from the mail order operation. The nasal spray was included with the two refills. I guess they do cover it.
• UPDATE: It turns out the messages I got from the mail order pharmacy were not wrong. Along with my other prescriptions I mistakenly sent them one for something I know is not covered, and always get somewhere else. I assumed the messages were about the item I was ordering for the first time.

The best depiction of the transgender umbrella I've seen

Source
HT to Our Lady J

Plat du jour--guest submission

Another one from Joanne. I wonder if it's any relation to her previous one, or the one she found in 2009.

They should be more concerned about pederasty

Vatican increasingly concerned about piracy

Thugs win one, lose one

Somali pirates hijack ship with 23 crew members

Plat du jour--guest submission

Joanne keeps finding them. Has the driver's computer gone nuts? Is it a comment on political correctness? A personal corporation named "Crazy?"