WEIRD WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

Somebody was looking for "washers for the meat packing industry" and found my blog. They had to go to page 23 of the search--which means they looked at listings for 100s of higher ranked sites! Talk about persistence.

ART BUCHWALD IS DYING

It is sad to read that political satirist Art Buchwald is living his last few days, having decided he did not want to be tethered to a dialysis machine so many hours a week.

When I was younger, much younger, I eagerly awaited his three-times-a-week newspaper column, where his exagerated fictional characters pointed out the failings of the people in power. I think I started reading him when I was in high school. Somewhere along the line I stopped reading him--perhaps it was when I moved to New York, and his column wasn't available in the Times.

But also somewhere along the line I acquired a comedy album he did. It's around here somewhere--I'll have to dig it out. It explained how he became a Paris-based columnist for the New York Herald Tribune--without ever having graduated high school or college. (When USC discovered he lacked a high school diploma, they made him a "special student." He said he later got his revenge, when he was named alumnus of the year.)

I also remember seeing him at the Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Fund Pro-Am Tennis Tournament out in Forest Hills. He wasn't exactly the greatest player. All he hit was lobs. Totally. When he played Billie Jean King he called the match "The Lobber vs. the Libber."

So now he's spending his last few days in a hospice, attended by family members, various Kennedys, and award-bearing writers. Except it's gone beyond a few days. They're calling him "The Man Who Wouldn't Die," as he explained in a Washington Post column a few days ago. He checked into the hospice at the beginning of February. He's been there so long Medicare has stopped paying for it. Meanwhile, he's having the best time of his life, he says.

NO SURPRISE HERE

Bush's Approval Rating Falls to New Low says an AP-Ipsos poll. Even his Republican supporters are beginning to desert him. He is alienating his social conservative base (which he no longer needs to get himself into office) with some of his pro-business proposals, such as the Dubai port debacle and his immigration "reforms." The business bloc already was in his corner, so it's a net loss for his support.

The poll also indicated more people want the Democrats running Congress than the Republicans. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean the Democrats will actually win in November. It's amazing how many people think Congress is failing in its job, but that their representatives are OK. They haven't figured out that Congress isn't going to change unless they change who they vote for.

TODAY'S WEIRD WEB SEARCH

"thisby and pyramus is stupid"
Is this a real search, or just someone expressing an opinion?

WEIRD WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

"world record holder for longest headstand" actually lists this blog first!

300 AND COUNTING (SLOWLY)

This is my 300th post on this blog. Granted, I haven't had much time for it the last few days, with my Office Clean-up Project.
Briefly: Saturday I went to the New York Philharmonic, where Frank Peter Zimmermann did a fantastic job with the Brahms Violin Concerto. Monday I did my volunteer lawyer thing for the Name Change Project at the West Village TransLegal Clinic, followed by some dinner at Lips, and then Jason Cosmo's show at Therapy. Yesterday, after a lawyer's appointment (even lawyers need lawyers sometimes), I went to the Sarah Bernhardt exhibition at the Jewish Museum. I didn't finish it. The most interesting part so far is listening to a recording she made--her "golden voice" was well-named. I also loved some of the art nouveau posters for her plays. Finally, I went to a private meeting of people active on the MyHusbandBetty Message Boards.

SOMEBODY REALLY HAS TO LEARN HOW TO DO WEB SEARCHES

"do you have any pictures of the uniforms for men's snowboard cross" hit this blog.

And, no, I don't.

OSCARS, MY QUICK THOUGHTS

No big surprises--I've read a few things that said Crash could upset Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture. It wasn't totally out of left field, such in 1981, when Chariots of Fire beat out On Golden Pond and Reds. Of course, Crash was the only one of the five nominees I haven't seen.

I was a little disappointed Transamerica didn't win in either of the categories it was nominated in. I knew Felicity Huffman had an uphill battle against Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line for Best Actress, but I was hoping Dolly Parton's "Travelin' Thru" might pull out a win for Best Song. Instead a hip-hop mess, "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" from Hustle & Flow, won. Actually, I thought the third nominee, "In the Deep" from Crash, was the best. I guess the Academy voters wanted to seem hip and with it.

I thought Jon Stewart did an OK job as host, not great, but not a disaster either--though I could have done without his opening "Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and Felicity" line.

I thought the music they played during the acceptance speeches was distracting, annoying, and just plain disrespectful of the winners. They need to find another way of keeping them short.

Finally, the dresses. The best dress I saw was Salma Hayek's. I loved the color. I can't think of any that were really bad--Charlize Theron's was a little bit much, with the big bow or whatever on the shoulder, but she's stunning enough to carry it off.

AN OMINOUS WEB SEARCH

Someone in Dallas, Texas just reached my blog doing a search for "jewish names in forbes 400." I don't get good vibes about this one.

THE PROJECT, FOURTH DAY (WITH BROKEBACK)

Things are going along nicely. I can actually sit on the floor and have room to sort things into piles.

I did take off early today, though. We went and saw Brokeback Mountain. It was a lot sadder than I anticipated. Heath Ledger was superb--actually everyone was excellent. I thought it moved a little too slowly in the beginning, but otherwise my only problem was understanding a bit of the dialogue here and there--a little too much mumbling.

This brings me up to four of the five films nominated for the best picture Oscar--my usual number. I think there has only been one year I had seen all five.

IT MUST BE QUITE A VIDEO

People keep doing web searches for "video of gazelle running into tree" and reaching my blog.

I'm also getting quite a few for Jamie Salé. Now those I understand.

THE PROJECT, THIRD DAY

(I'm not counting days like yesterday, when I don't do much of anything.) I'm continuing to make good progress with The Great Office Clean-up Project. My wife came in earlier, and said, "Wow, you can actually walk in here now." Well, you can, a little. But there is still a lot of floor space covered with stuff that has to go.

It's surprisingly satisfying to do this basically menial work. I can see the results of my labors, that I'm really accomplishing something. It struck me how different this is to my last job, where for the last two years I was working on a project where I rarely felt this way.

WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

where in nj can i practice discus throwing found my blog. Sorry, I can't help with this one.

A DAY OFF (AND A NIGHT OUT)

Wednesday was my day off from my office cleaning project this week. I had a 6:00pm meeting of the LeGaL Foundation board, and with all the hair removal I need to do to present as a woman, I had to get started before noon to prepare. So I just slept late, got up, got on the computer for a bit, and had breakfast. Then I got cleaned up, put my clothes in my suitcase (the same old black-on-black paisley slacks, this time with a black and white print silk blouse) and went off to CDI to do my make-up and change clothes.

The LeGaL board meeting was also an envelope stuffing session. While we took care of business we also assembled the invitations to our annual dinner. (You know the quality of the stationery is pretty good when you can stuff over a hundred envelopes and not get a single paper cut.) That went on until after 9:00, and by the time I found a mailbox (everyone took a big bag of invitations to mail) and a cab, it was 9:35 by the time I got back to CDI. I was very surprised to find the open house over--just one keyholder was there, watching television. She told me where everyone went, so after a pit stop and make-up refreshment I walked up a couple blocks to the bar where some of the people had gone. I had time for one drink (and some peanuts), before some of the people went home, and I joined two others in a trip downtown to the Monster Bar.

There, we found several others from the open house. I had a drink upstairs (courtesy of Mel, the Monster manager who appeared to have just gotten off duty). Then some of us went downstairs for some dancing. Then we waited for Jesse Volt's show. This week it was surprisingly good--no surgically enhanced pageant contestants, rather ShaBoomBoom doing her lipsync drag comedy and some good dancing, and Bianca Leigh. Bianca, singing in her own voice, was excellent. It was the first time she had appeared in Jesse's show in quite a while. Jesse, of course, introduced her as the movie star from Transamerica. And Jesse's numbers were at her usual high level. The only down point of the show, as far as I'm concerned, was the "Ass Is Tight" contest, where audience members, frequently drunk, can win prizes (CD's, DVD's, theater tickets) by holding them between their ass cheeks for 10 seconds--with or without their underwear on. It's not what I call scintillating entertainment.

After the show I said hello to Bianca, just to confirm she'd be working at Lips Monday, when I expect to be there after I do my volunteer lawyer work at the West Village TransLegal Clinic Name Change Project. Then it was back to CDI to change back to male mode.

MY NEW PROJECT, SECOND DAY

Progress report: 2.8 boxes processed Tuesday. Four bags of paper shredded (up from two yesterday). I have yet to find anything I've been looking for for ages, but there's still lots to go through.

Tomorrow will be a light day. I have a six o'clock meeting of the board of the LeGaL Foundation, and will take most if not all of the afternoon to prepare and get to it.

THE FAMILY SHOULD KEEP IT A SECRET

Saturday I went to a revival of a 1993 one-person play called Family Secrets. My wife and I were going out with another couple, and this show caught her eye. Back then Ben Brantley raved about it in a New York Times review. So we went.

It's still in previews, but I very much doubt my opinion would change if I saw it after it opens. It is simply the worst "comedy" I have ever seen. When 10 minutes went by before the first time I laughed, I decided to keep count. The result: I laughed all of seven times in the 90 minutes or so.

The play is about a Jewish family transplanted from the Bronx to California, back in the 80s. This was mentioned by at least a couple of the five characters portrayed. I don't know why--the locales seemed to make no difference to the characters. The characters, a couple of whom may have been cutting edge in the 80s, were already dated in 90s. Now, they just complete the set of stereotypes portrayed by actor/co-writer Sherry Glaser. Her rendition of Mort, the father, was the worst. The padding she wore to simulate his paunch looked like overgrown breasts. The voice she used wasn't masculine--at best it was non-feminine. Basically, it was just weird.

People started trickling out of the theater before the half-hour mark. I wish I had joined them.

JUSTICE PREVAILS

Subway Seat Groceries Ticket Tossed by Judge
My first question is, what did the cop testify to on the question of the emptiness of the train. Or, if I am correctly reading between the lines of this sparse report, did he even bother to show up for the hearing?

My second question is, what was the hearing officer deliberating about for 37 minutes?

WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

Olympic Viewership Falls 37 Pct. From 2002
NBC did not help its ratings with its Sunday night coverage of the closing ceremonies. They started out with a segment by Tom Brokaw on the much-belated awarding of the Congressional Medal of Honor to an African-American for his World War II heroism not far from Torino. It was a great segment, but it ran the better part of an hour. I wonder how many people tuned in to see the ceremonies, found a long history lesson, and switched channels. NBC seemed to have forgotten that people who tune into the Olympics want to see the Olympics.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY (yesterday, really)

Chocolate Linked to Lower Blood Pressure
My only problem with this is that I don't have high blood pressure.

MY NEW PROJECT, FIRST DAY

My first day of my office clean-up project went pretty good. I had some errands to do, so I didn't get started until about 2:30. But I was able to work all the way until 9:00, because my wife was out at a class. I emptied three boxes, and cleaned up a little stuff from the floor.

As you may have guessed, I'm a pack rat. I have trouble throwing things out--I can think of a reason to keep everything. But I'm trying. Most of the stuff I came across today was financial records from 1993, 1998, and 2003-4. Most of the 2003-4 stuff I kept, but it's now neatly stored in file folders in a file cabinet. I didn't have much trouble shredding the 1993 things, but I really had to will myself to get rid of the 1998 stuff.

In addition to the financial records, I also found a bag of stuff that I had already set aside for shredding--it must have been from the time when my old shredder died, and I didn't buy a new one for a while. So my shredder got a real workout--so much so that it overheated and shut down twice.

I think it was a good start to my project. But I'm tired. It's work. I'll try to post a real article after I pay a couple bills. But no guaranties.

A NEW PROJECT

In the morning I will be starting my new project--cleaning up my office. Despite being retired for two years now, I haven't found time to go though all the boxes of stuff from our last move, properly store what I want to keep, and get rid of what I don't. Some of this stuff has been around since 1988, and this is long overdue. Then there's the piles of un-boxed stuff. It's really a mess--every horizontal surface is covered with something, except for a narrow path from the door to my desk.

So I'm not going to have as much time to blog for a while--I'm guessing maybe a month. In order to concentrate on this, I'm going to curtail my entertainment life as much as possible until I finish. So there will be less to blog about to begin with. But the most important tactic I will use will be to TURN OFF THIS COMPUTER. From 9:00am until 9:00pm, at least on the days I will be dedicating to the clean-up project, this distraction will cease.

I still plan to blog some. But the slices of my life I recount here will have to be a bit thinner for a while.

RE-MEASURE FOR MORE PLEASURE

My wife wanted to go with a friend to something that I was uninterested in last Friday evening, so I was looking around for something to do. Then an e-mail popped into my inbox from broadwayoffers.com offering discount tickets to Measure for Pleasure, in previews at the Public Theater. The synopsis was:

"Will Blunt is in love with Molly, a young transvestite prostitute. But when Blunt rescues him from a life on the streets, he doesn't count on Molly falling in love with Dashwood, the handsome womanizing rake.

Restoration comedy meets modern sex farce in this romantic adventure, exploring the elusive nature of happiness; featuring mistaken identities, duels and double-dealings, gay marriage, and the obligatory sex cave."

"Young transvestite prostitute?" Sounded perfect for the members of Crossdressers International (CDI) . Having a parental advisory didn't hurt, either. I used our Yahoo group messaging feature to see if anyone was interested in this, and I got a couple nibbles.

Then I got an e-mail from another member, Rita (this was Little Rita, as opposed to Big Rita, who is, let's just say, bigger). Rita's an actor, and she had just been offered tickets to the play for free! Free certainly beats $42 (plus service charges I'm sure). After some more e-mailing there were three of us going to see it.

So Friday afternoon arrived and I went off to the CDI apartment to change. I didn't want to get too dressed up, so I just wore a red Bill Blass sweater with a fringed shawl collar, and a pair of black-on-black paisley slacks. Eventually Rita showed up, and changed into a nice black dress, but Madeline was delayed--she had to go to the theater as a man.

We cabbed down to the theater, where Rita got the tickets from the window, but we had to wait in the lobby until they got the theater open. Then it was upstairs to the Anspacher Stage. Carved out of the original Astor Library main reading room, pillars still intact, it's a surprisingly intimate thrust stage auditorium seating 275, with no one more than eight rows back. But it extends vertically three very tall levels, up to a skylight.

The big name in the cast was Wayne Knight, "Newman" from Seinfeld. There was also Euan Morton, who played Boy George in Taboo, both in London and on Broadway--playing the transvestite here. (Is he getting typecast?)

Things started out with Michael Stuhlbarg, in character as Will Blunt the valet, giving the cellphone/candy wrapper spiel, with an additional warning that there was no intermission, and that he didn't want anyone going out in the middle, then coming back and asking "What did I miss?" He also made some remarks about the late arrivals, reminiscent of the Manager of the Stage at the P.D.Q. Bach concerts.

The actual play started, and it was quite clear the parental advisory for "explicit verse" was quite real--this is a bawdy farce set in 1751, with Restoration-appropriate verse. The characters, with names like Peter Lustforth, Dick Dashwood, Molly Tawdry and Hermione Goode, went about lusting and plotting and masquerading. The big problem was that they kept doing it and doing it and doing it. The novelty of the explicit verse eventually wore off for a lot of the audience. The first act went on for an hour and a half, and after a quick intermission they returned for another 45 minutes. Finally, a Gilbert and Sullivan-worthy ending set everything all right, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except the audience.

The acting was excellent, the set inventive (scenery kept swinging up from the floor), the costumes beautiful (even the stagehands were appropriately costumed--a couple of the female ones were corseted, pushing up their cleavage far beyond that of any stagehand I've ever encountered). But the play was just too long. As Rita put it in the cab to a nice dinner at East of Eighth, "It needs a re-write--with a pair of scissors."

VARIATIONS ON A (SPAM) THEME VII

Babes for your atonement?
Babes for your gratification?
Babes for your happyness!
Explicit Girls for your-person satisfaction!
Explicit Ladies for you satiety?
Extreme Babes for you satiety?
Extreme Girls for you gratification?
Extreme Girls for your-person satiety
Extreme Ladies for you satisfaction!
Extreme Ladies for your-person happyness?
Far beyond the norm Babes for you fullfillness?
Far beyond the norm Gals for you fullfillness
Gals for your gratification
Gals for your gratification!
Gals for your happyness?
Gals for your satisfaction
Gals for your satisfaction?
Girls for your atonement?
Girls for your gratification
Girls for your satisfaction!
Hard Babes for you satisfaction?
Hard Gals for you repletion
Hard Gals for you satiation!
Hard Ladies for you fullfillness
Hard Ladies for yourself fullfillness
Hard Women for you gratification
Hardcore Ladies for you satisfaction?
Hardcore Women for your satiation
Intense Girls for you satiation?
Intense Ladies for you repletion!
Ladies for your atonement
Ladies for your fullfillness
Ladies for your gratification!
Ladies for your satiation!
Women for your happyness?

I was a bit surprised, but "atonement" is a synonym for "satisfaction," at least according to Roget.

I think this is actually two separate sets of spam, but they are sufficiently similar that I am combining them.

If you like this sort of, er, inventiveness see my previous installments, starting with this one. I update them (and this one) continually, as more examples arrive.

CABLE A LA CARTE? NON, MERCI

Poll: TV Viewers Want Choice in Cable
The head of the FCC and some members of Congress have been pushing for the requirement that cable TV companies offer their subscribers "a la carte" pricing. People would be able to choose exactly which channels they'd get, and would pay only for those. 40 percent of the people polled thought it would reduce their cable bills. 25 percent thought it would increase them. Both groups could be right, actually.

There is one overriding fact that everyone should remember: the cable companies are not going to lose money on this deal. Unless they can somehow reduce their costs, they will make sure that they get at least as much revenue with a la carte pricing as with the current tiered system, one way or another. Which basically means that if they get less money from the people who want few channels, they'll have to get more from the people who want a lot.

People like me.

I'm hoping that if a la carte pricing does go through, it will be structured so only those getting a very small number of channels will see their bills go down. If people realize that say, 30 channels a la carte costs about the same as 250 with the tiers, they won't bother. This actually would not be that difficult to justify, if they charge high amounts for very popular channels like ESPN, because ESPN charges the cable companies a lot.

But I'd be happiest if they just leave things alone.

23 SECONDS OF FAME

I was on the LGBT Center's public access cable TV show "Out at the Center" last night. They shot me commenting at the reception for NYC Council Speaker Christine Quinn last month.

I, uh, really, uh, have to, uh, learn not to, uh, say "uh" so much when I, uh, do these, uh, things.

POOR LITTLE PRINCE

The UK's Prince Charles is suing a British newspaper because they printed excerpts of his diary. One of the things in the diary was a rant about being uncomfortable in a Club Class seat, flying to Hong Kong. Club Class is British Airways' name for business class, and on a 747 it comprises the upper deck.

Poor Prince Charlie, royally relegated to business class. He should try sitting in a coach seat for 14 hours. He'd never complain about sitting in business class again, I'm sure.

CHRISTIAN TETZLAFF PLAYS BRAHMS

I just got back from a performance of Johannes Brahms' three sonatas for violin and piano played by Christian Tetzlaff and Lars Vogt. It was part of the Lincoln Center Great Performers' Virtuoso Recitals series, at Alice Tully Hall.

First, I should say that Brahms is not very high on my list of favorite composers. I find most of his work pleasant and pretty, but seldom exciting, even in the hands of the best musicians. Furthermore, I seldom go to solo recitals, accompanied by piano or not--I don't remember going to a violin recital since I was in college nearly 40 years ago (I subscribed to a four concert series of touring performers one year. One was a young violinist who had to struggle out on to the stage on crutches. I think his name was Perlman. I wonder whatever became of him.)

So this recital a) was quite unusual for me, and b) did not raise much in the way of expectations going in. I'm still trying to remember exactly why I bought tickets--most likely because my wife was particularly interested in it.

Anyhow, I went. My wife was coming from a class, so we arranged just to meet at the seats. Since I was by myself I decided to save a few bucks and take the bus, instead of a cab. Actually it was two buses, but the transfer worked well. I got there in plenty of time to check my coat--and found the same guy who usually checks coats across the street at Avery Fisher Hall. He said there was no performance there this evening.

I found my seat, in the third row way on the right. It would give me a good view of Tetzlaff--and the underside of the piano. My wife arrived with a few minutes to spare. The musicians eventually came on stage--without a warning to turn off cellphones. They both wore black business suits and black shirts. Tetzlaff added a burnt orange tie.

The first two sonatas were just what I expected--pleasant and pretty. Tetzlaff is a fine violinist to be sure, but sometimes he seemed a just tiny bit tentative, e.g. he sometimes delaying the tiniest bit in starting the vibrato for a note. With an orchestra playing behind him I'm sure I wouldn't have noticed, but with only the piano accompaniment (despite the names of the sonatas the piano was clearly subordinate in all three) it did stick out.

Intermission (a seemingly brief one) followed--I was glad the yummy new brownies offered in Avery Fisher Hall were available here, too. I saw one woman in a very nice black lace party dress with cute black and white pumps. Presumably she had attended whatever dinner they had had in the lobby preceding the recital. Then it was back to the seats for Sonata No. 3.

The third was much more to my liking--much more passionate than the first two, rather un-Brahms, in my opinion. It was rather short, and after three ovations they returned to the stage carrying more music for an encore. Tetzlaff announced it would be Antonín Dvorák's Sonatina, Opus 100. Unlike the Brahms works, this piece was a bit familiar to me. I think it might even have been more familiar to Tetzlaff also, because I heard no tentativeness here. It was my favorite part of the evening.

SPAM OF THE DAY

"With Virility Patch your penis will be able to reach from New York to Los Angeles"
But my wife is here with me in New York.

WEIRD WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

frist rent apartment as install and own apartment in new york city found my blog. They probably meant "first," not "frist," but it's still pretty weird.

CALLING MR. BLACKWELL

The Associated Press says Olympics Figure Skating Outfits Lacking Style. That's putting it mildly. Not even the tackiest drag queen in the world would be caught dead in some of those outfits.

THEY CALL THAT A LOT OF SPAM?

In China Said Cracking Down on Junk E-Mail, it was reported that the official Xinhua News Agency said that 16.8 pieces of junk mail were received by the average Chinese e-mail subscriber. Per week.

16.8 per week? What are they complaining about? I'd be very happy if I had that few per day. My main e-mail address has been getting close to 60 a day lately. And I'm only counting real spam, not advertisements from companies I deal with.

MY TAKE ON THE OLYMPICS (GENERAL)

I haven't written very much about the Olympics. I've been watching them a lot, and enjoying them a lot (I've got USA v Russia in men's hockey on right now), but I think they are far less important than a lot of people seem to.

I used to feel otherwise. I remember watching them on TV all the way back to 1960. I fantasized being an Olympian. I contributed to the U.S. Olympic Committee ("America doesn't send a team to the Olympics, Americans do.") I was enthralled by Bud Greenspan's Olympiad Series on television. I actually went to the 1976 Olympics in Montreal, the entire 16 days.

But I have since come to realize that the original ideas behind the Olympics have been overwhelmed--not that they were perfect in the first place. As I have gotten older, I have come to put the stories of the Olympic athletes and their successes and failures in perspective. Each games there are new stories of athletes achieving their life-long dreams. There are new people going beyond their expectations--and many more falling short, frequently dismally short. The Olympic stage does not bring out the best performances in some. There are always controversies, allegations of cheating, doping, judging incompetence if not outright corruption.

The Olympics have become basically one big commercial operation. Sure, there are no sponsors' signs at the venues. But we all know that the the bulk of the money for the games comes from the television networks, especially the American one. They get the money by selling commercial time, promising the buyers large audiences for their ads. To get the large audiences they hype up the American athletes, frequently way beyond reason.

Most of the athletes, at least most of the ones contending for the medals, are full-time professionals. The idea that they are representing their countries is secondary at best, especially for those in the individual events. They are frequently the products of very expensive athlete production operations. For instance, the big alpine ski teams are equipped with hundreds of thousands of dollars of skis. The ski manufacturers will provide them because having their skis used by Olympic racers, especially by Olympic race winners, is great advertising, and will help them sell more skis. And unfortunately, the athlete production operations (with or without the consent of the athletes) are not above cutting corners, such as with doping, to get their people up on the winners' podium.

And this is where I really lost a lot of my enthusiasm for the Olympics. The commercialism I can take. It's the motivation of the athletes I have problems with. Someone once did a poll of Olympic athletes. They were asked if they would take an undetectable drug that would guarantee them a gold medal, but would also cut twenty years off their lives. As I remember, a good majority said yes. I think they also asked if they would take a similar drug that would that would cut their life in half, and nearly 30 percent would use that also. I lost a lot of my admiration for Olympic athletes. I think sports should enhance one's life, not decrease it. I think these people's priorities are out of whack.

I do still enjoy watching them, but it's more like I'm just watching a performance being given for my entertainment. I look at the quest for Olympic glory with a great deal of skepticism. If that's what the competitors want to do with their lives, that's OK, as long as they don't cheat, but I no longer dream of being one--and it's not a life-style I'd advocate for any young person.

JAIL FOR HOLOCAUST DENIERS?

A right-wing British historian has been sentenced to three years in jail by an Austrian court after he admitted he had denied the existence of the holocaust. Now, I certainly think the holocaust existed (I lost an aunt and uncle, and an unknown number of their children), and I think that holocaust denial should be countered whenever it occurs. But I don't think throwing people in jail for it is the right way to go.

I believe in the power of free speech. I believe that if falsehoods such as holocaust denial are freely met with the truth, most people will recognize the truth eventually. Jailing the disseminators of falsehoods just makes them martyrs. It drives their ideas underground, where they cannot be met with the truth, and where they can grow unmolested. Making holocaust denial a crime is short-sighted and counter-productive.

BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT

As I previously noted, the parents of the missing and presumed dead Toga, the baby penguin chick-napped from a UK zoo last December, were expecting another child. The egg hatched last Tuesday. The chick has not yet been named.

CLEVELAND CAR RENTAL NOTES

They built this great facility for people renting cars when they fly into the Cleveland airport. The problem is, it's not at the Cleveland airport. It's not adjacent to the airport. It's not even close to the airport. You get on a bus at the terminal and you ride and ride, for miles. Past wide open fields. Past buildings for rent. But I guess it wasn't really that far from civilization. As I was going in (finally) I saw a pizza delivery guy leaving.

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So I found the Avis counter (it was the furthest one, of course). There were half a dozen stations for agents there (only one of which was in use, of course). The agent did call out to me that someone would help me shortly. I noticed another Avis employee come out from a doorway behind the counter, but she just went over to a soda machine (excuse me, a pop machine, this was in Cleveland). She bought one and returned to the room behind the counter (I'm guessing to a recently-delivered pizza). Meanwhile, the agent at the counter was explaining each insurance option to this quartet of guys, who debated the pro's and con's of each one at length. Actually I'm just assuming that, because they were speaking a language with which I am not familiar. After a couple of these debates the agent excused himself, walked over to the doorway and stuck his head in, presumably to talk to someone. Then he came back and called out to me that someone would help me shortly. But no one came out of the doorway. I'm guessing it was a large pizza.

Eventually all of the insurance questions were debated and answered, and the fuel service ones as well, and everything was signed and initialed and the quartet departed for the car lot. At last it was my turn. The agent apologized for the wait. I told him I had a reservation and gave him my name. He checked and informed me I was a Preferred Customer, and I should go directly to the lot to get my car. So I had been waiting for nothing. (I did check my Avis card later, and by golly I am Preferred. I never noticed, because I had only rented from Avis here in Manhattan, where being Preferred makes no difference, as far as I can tell.)

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The car I got was a very nice Chevy Malibu. I could adjust the seat and steering wheel to my liking (I like to sit very straight up when I drive). It had good acceleration (not that I'm into jack-rabbit starts these days, but it's nice for getting on highways) and, more important, good brakes. It even turned on its headlights automatically--one less thing to worry about. It also had more buttons than I could possibly learn in a three-day weekend. I don't ever remember driving a car with a "menu" button before.

When I got to my mother's house and went in I noticed yet another button new to me, this one on the key-chain transmitter thingy. It had a circular arrow on it. There were actually instructions for using it on the back: first press lock, then press the circular arrow button for two seconds. I then guessed, correctly it turned out, that this was the anti-Mafia hit button: it would start the car remotely. As a bonus, it would warm up the car before we got in (assuming it hadn't exploded)--not a bad thing when the outside temperature was 9 degrees, as the car informed us. It could also be used to scare the shit out of someone, if you parked on the street and you used it just when they were walking by. But I didn't get to use that feature, because nobody was walking by in the 9 degree weather.

----------

I was not surprised that the highway exit to return the car was a different one from the exit for the airport. I was surprised that there were no gas stations between the highway and the car rental facility. Avis soaked me for a quarter tank at their "fuel service" rate.

And the Avis lot was the furthest one, of course.

AIRPORT SMELLS

An acceptable counter-measure to the kerosene smell of jet fuel is not cinnabons.

AIRPORT ANNOUNCEMENTS

I had some time to kill in the Cleveland airport before the flight back to New York. I started listening to the announcements, because they were a bit different than the usual "now boarding," gate changes, security warnings and "John Doe, meet your party at the baggage carousel." There were a series of ones like, "Will the man who left his cellphone at security checkpoint B please return to claim it." In less than a half hour people also left "a flashlight with a key attached," a leather jacket, and, my favorite, "silver jewelry." Plus one ski glove left at the information desk.

And then there were two different announcements of "Mr. X, will you please return to the Y carousel. You took the wrong luggage."

TV INTERNET

So here I am in a hotel room in Cleveland, waiting for my wife to finish packing. I'm sitting on the bed, with a dinky, little wireless keyboard on my lap, composing this blog entry on the television. The screen resolution must be somewhere around 200X160. There's no mouse--I have to navigate with the arrow keys. PgUp and PgDn have become good friends.

ou have tobe careful that it doesn't skipletters or spaces, especially double leters and capitals. It treats the Del key the same as the backspace.

I gues it's better than nothing.

The biggest news of the trip is that my sister-in-law is now a Justice of the Peace. It wasn't that easy for her to get the position. One of Mitt Romney's minions dragged her feet for some unknown reason (because my sister-in-law is a lesbian? Or just because she's a Democrat? who knows?) So she had her local state representatives start pressuring them (this after her original application with recommendations from the mayor, the chief of police, etc., etc.), and this week the appointment came through.

So if anyone wants to get married in Massachusetts let me know. She's thinking of doing a package deal with my sister, who's a lawyer: a pre-nup and wedding for one low price.

HELLO FROM CLEVELAND

Hi all! I'm posting this from Cleveland (more accurately, a suburb thereof), on a little weekend visit to my family. I'm on my brother's computer now, but back in the hotel room all I have is TV Internet. I probably could post from that, but it would be a challenge. Maybe I'll try later.

Not much to report, really, except it's cold. A couple days ago it was 60 degrees, both here and back and in New York. The last I looked it was 12 here now.

I did just reject a comment, from someone who said wearing women's clothes was against Allah, and we should die a thousand deaths. He also said he was from Iran. Funny, but there was no visitor from Iran on my log. Just one from an AOLer here in the U.S. at that time. Really, JS, you're going to have to do better than that.

We're just hanging out with my family now--don't even feel like doing any sightseeing. So I'm going back to watch the Olympics with them.

JAIME SALÉ--GORGEOUS!

Jaime Salé just keeps looking better and better. She's been on the "Olympic Ice" one-hour Show that NBC runs at 6:00pm every day, that's devoted solely to figure skating. (BTW, I couldn't find a recent close-up of her--this one is from 2002, I'm pretty sure.) It's a fun show--lots of jokes, but still gives a lot of backgound to the skating. It's hosted by Mary Carillo, another favorite of mine, all the way back to when she was a world class tennis player. Mary is looking pretty good, too, with her new straight hair.

VARIATIONS ON A (SPAM) THEME VI

Date for Assured love
Date for Assured sex?
Date for Ensured love
Date for Ensured love!
Date for Ensured sex
Date for Ensured sex?
Date for Guaranteed sex
Date for Guaranteed sex!
Hookup for Assured love
Hookup for Assured love?
Hookup for Assured sex
Hookup for Ensured love
Hookup for Ensured love?
Hookup for Ensured love!
Hookup for Ensured sex?
Hookup for Guaranteed sex?
Hookup for Warranted love!
Hookup for Warranted sex
Hookup for Warranted sex!
Meet for Assured sex?
Meet for Ensured love
Meet for Ensured love?
Meet for Ensured loving?
Meet for Ensured sex?
Meet for Guaranteed love
Meet for Warranted love!
Meet for Warranted sex
Meet for Warranted sex!
Meetup for Assured love?
Meetup for Assured sex
Meetup for Assured sex!
Meetup for Ensured love!
Meetup for Ensured sex
Meetup for Guaranteed love!
Meetup for Guaranteed sex!
Meetup for Warranted love?
Meetup for Warranted sex?

If you like this sort of, er, inventiveness see my previous installments, starting with this one. I update them (and this one) continually, as more examples arrive.

YESTERDAY'S WEIRD WEB SEARCHES

"girls not tall but can still play basketball songs"
"what did the people in new france were 2 dinner partys"
'"gazelle running into" tree' plus another just looking for "gazelle filmclip"

4,000 VISITS (SOMEHOW)

Despite the problems blogger.com has had today (or maybe yesterday, since I don't even know what day this post will actually be dated), this blog logged its 4,000th visit during the last few hours. It was just slightly over a month ago that it hit 3,000. It's good to know that there are some people interested in what I write. So I'm going to keep writing. The Olympics are taking up a lot of my time now, but I'll try to keep the articles coming, at least short ones.

So thanks, faithful readers. But please, do put in your comments. I don't mind criticism, if you explain where you think I'm wrong--and if you're not rude. You don't have to have a Blogger account--just type a name in the "other" box.

Thanks again.

HELLO IRAN!

Somebody just visited my blog from Iran! It wasn't even by random chance: they were doing a search for "golden glob wallpaper" and found this.

So far I haven't had any visitors from Iraq that I can remember. None from Cuba or North Korea either. But China and Vietnam, yes, if I'm remembering correctly.

HASTA LA VISTA--I THINK

We're going on vacation to Spain at the end of April. This will actually be the first new country for me since my first visit to France in 1969!--assuming you don't count airports. If you do count airports, then Barbados and St. Lucia are the latest, which we hit on the way to Martinique a couple years ago. (Martinique doesn't count, as it's a full-fledged "department" (state) of France.)

Though my wife can speak some Spanish, I don't speak much at all, not beyond "por favor," "gracias," "hola," "adios," and, I think, "hasta la vista." I don't even know how to ask where the restroom is. I really need a traveler's phrase book.

Hopefully I'll be able to blog a bit when I get there. Hopefully it will be a better situation than when we were in Martinique. I was only able to get online once during the week or so we were there--the public computer in the lobby of our hotel was broken when I got around to trying it. I did once manage to find another one--in a laundromat of all places! But that kind of makes sense: get on the net while your clothes are washing.

VALENTINE'S DINNER

My wife and I went out for a Valentine's Day dinner earlier this evening. This year we went to one of our favorite restaurants, Compass, instead of going to one of the hot new restaurants we've read about, as in previous years. Every year we'd be disappointed. Last year we tried going to a place we had been to a few times over the years, Terrace in the Sky up by Columbia University. But we were still disappointed--the food was about as good as it had been on previous visits, but the service was really poor.

So this year we went back to the tried and true. We got a booth as we had requested (OK, as my wife had requested--she's the one who makes restaurant reservations usually). It makes the largish room much more intimate--especially with the one we got, that had a pillar pretty much hiding us from view on the open end.

There was a very limited prix-fixe menu available, but that wasn't a problem--actually, what was a problem was choosing between the "Heirloom Beets" (with black truffles, goat cheese and pistachios) and the risotto (with foie gras, chestnuts and butternut squash) for the appetizer. I love foie gras, so I went with the risotto. For my main course I had sirloin steak and braised oxtail, which came with fingerling potatoes and a truffle Bernaise sauce. I don't have beef very often, but I was in the mood. For dessert, chocolate-hazelnut tart. My wife had the same appetizer and dessert, but chose the pan-seared red snapper for her entrée. We decided to get the wine pairing--a 3 oz. glass specially chosen to go with each dish.

But before the appetizers came (but after a great basket of rolls and bread), a little "amuse bouche" appeared. It consisted of three tiny things each: an oyster (very appropriate for Valentine's Day) with some sort of sauce, a little piece of foie gras on some sort of cracker, and a third, I can't remember what exactly, in a tiny pie crust. And to accompany all this was a small glass of a Spanish sparkling wine, Cava. It certainly was as good as most champagnes I've had.

The risotto was next, along with its wine, the 2001 Damilano Barolo from the Piedmont region of Italy. The wine was served by the sommelier, who gave an explanation of why he thought it was right for the dish. Most of what he said went right over my head. My wine vocabulary doesn't get too far beyond white and red. There are a few types (i.e. type of grape) that I recognize, e.g. merlot or riesling, and I can sort of understand and recognize sweet vs. dry, spicy and fruity, but when you get to oak, and waxy, and such terms, I'm lost. Anyhow, his choice worked well with the risotto--which was marvelous, with a generous portion of beautifully seared foie gras in it.

Next were the entrées. I was surprised that the sirloin was sliced. The portion seamed a bit skimpy. I had to search for the oxtail. It was shredded, and was hiding under the potatoes and a layer of braised watercress. The steak was superb. I ordered it medium-rare, and it came just the way I like it--pink on the inside, but still cooked (and hot) all the way through. What really surprised me was the sauce. Usually I find Bernaise sauce to be unnecessary, even distracting, for any good steak. But this example was the best I've ever had, and added to the wonderful taste of the meat. The oxtail was quite nice, too, though I think it would not have worked too well just on its own--but accompanying the steak it was fine.

This time the sommelier brought a California cabernet sauvignon, the 2001 Valentine "Echo Valley." Yes, he had a Valentine wine for Valentine's Day. How cute. He poured me a generous amount--quite a bit more than the 3 oz. we had been promised. And regardless of the name, it was a great pairing with the steak.

Of course, it turned out that the portion was not skimpy. Perhaps I was misled by the huge plate it was served on, but the amount was fine.

The chocolate-hazelnut "tarts" came, though it was more of a multilayer sandwich than a tart to my eyes. It was very good, though not quite up to the level of the previous courses. The sommelier came again, with some sweet dessert wine, the 2000 Banyuls "Vigne d'en Traginer" from the Roussillon region in southern France.

Were we done? No. We wanted coffee, which was not on the prix-fixe menu--nor was it offered by the waiter (I suspect it was not an oversight. I think the restaurant would prefer people not lingering over coffee on a very busy evening like Valentine's Day). And then more food came, a trio of tiny after-desserts: a tiny marshmallow heart, an equally tiny strawberry shortcake, and a chocolate "lollipop," some dribbled dark chocolate stuck to the end of a six inch stick--all very nice. Oh, yes, I almost forgot--they gave us a little box of chocolates to take home (on normal nights they give little scones).

After paying the bill (don't ask--but it was just a few dollars less than the monthly rent on my first apartment in New York, back in 1973) we went out to retrieve our coats. It was an excellent meal, certainly the best Valentine's Day dinner I've ever had, and it was worth the cost. (It is nice being able to afford such things.) My only complaints were about not being offered coffee, and about the up-tempo pop music they piped in. It certainly wasn't necessary once the place started really filling up.

On the way out one of the hostesses (not the one in the great, lacy black skirt with the asymmetrical hem) handed my wife a long-stemmed red rose--a nice touch. But I noticed that they did not give a rose to the gay couple leaving right behind us. How unfair. We need same-sex marriage!
----------------------------
ADDED AFTERTHOUGHT: I have realized that I may have judged Compass' actions concerning the roses too hastily. Perhaps it was just a gender thing--maybe if it were a lesbian couple both of them would have gotten roses. The more I think about it, that's probably the way it was. If a mixed group with an unequal number of men and women came in, I'm sure they would given all of the women roses.

Of course, this brings up the entirely different question of gender discrimination.

UGLY MEDALS

I didn't realize the Italians are so into bling. The medals being awarded at the Torino Olympics are the ugliest ones ever. About 4 inches across, with a big hole in the middle. They look like industrial-sized metal washers. The hole is supposed to represent the open space of an Italian piazza. I think it represents the open space between the designer's ears. Maybe it's a product placement for a donut company.

And you know what some of the medal winners, at least some of the male ones, are going to do with that hole.

OUR DANGEROUS VP

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter
Vice President Cheney has been known to go hunting with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Hmmmm....

BIG SNOW!

We're in a major snowstorm here in NYC. I read that there was a foot of snow in Central Park by 8:00am--not that I'm going out to check the measurement. Maybe another 4 to 5 inches are on the way. This would get it close to the top ten snowfalls in the city's history.

As I said, I'm not going out in it. We got our grocery deliveries yesterday, so we're all set. I'll stay home and watch the Olympics.

Maybe it will clear up enough by tomorrow afternoon so I can make Lisa Jackson's performance. Otherwise, the only thing I need to go out for is to get some valentines for my wife.

OLYMPIC RINGERS?

I enjoyed the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics last night. The part where the performers portrayed a ski-jumper was great.

But what I want to know is, did the Italians hire stand-ins for the women on their team for the athletes' entry into the stadium? They were all gorgeous.

WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

"pictures of rasputins penis" listed my blog as fifth. Sorry, I can't help with this one.

MILLROSE GAMES

Last Friday night I made my annual in-person visit to the world of track and field: the Millrose Games at Madison Square Garden.

I've been going to the Millrose Games almost every year since 1975. They've changed quite a bit since then, as has track and field in general, I'm not sure for the better. Thirty years ago there were three big track meets in Madison Square Garden every winter: The Millrose Games, the Olympic Invitational, and the National Indoor Championships, then called the AAU Indoor Championships (as it was run by the Amateur Athletic Union). Then the Olympic Invitational went across the Hudson to the Meadowlands for a year or two, and then disappeared. The AAU Championships departed for a longer track, and a bigger arena, in Atlanta if I remember correctly. (Longer tracks mean quicker times because there are fewer turns to slow the runners down.) And the AAU itself has since disappeared--the national governing body is now USA Track & Field.

But the Millrose Games stayed at the Garden. This was the 99th year, and they show no signs of departing--they announced a crowd of 14,000+. Maybe that included some no-shows, but there were plenty of people there. And they've greatly raised the ticket prices over the years, also. The best seats are now $90. (Compare this to the current price of the Indoor Championships, now in Boston. The best tickets there are $25 for each of two days. I should say that the comparison is not quite fair--I doubt the Championships have to pay any athletes appearance fees to show up, which I'm sure the Millrose Games does.)

One of the bigger changes Millrose has made in the last few years is to greatly reduce the number of college relay teams participating. There used to be dozens, divided up into many different races at the same distances. They would get colleges from all over the eastern half of the country--sometimes my Wisconsin Badgers were even represented. Now it's much more local, and there is just one race at each distance for each gender--only the top teams were invited.

They have added some other events. The women's pole vault has been contested since 1998, as it was added internationally in 1992. The men's shotput, formerly contested offsite earlier in the day, is now held in the Garden in the evening.

Other changes have been made to increase the spectator-friendliness of the event. A very upbeat announcer/interviewer is used, instead of the old monotone name and number guy. Rock and hip-hop music is played in the background. Videos are shown up on the scoreboard screens between running events--anything to keep the audience from being bored (and also to that end they have eliminated the individual races longer than a mile--there used to be one for each gender).

Last year they made another big change. Previously they would have the short sprints and hurdle races in the middle of the evening. This required them to disassemble the running track at both ends, and then reassemble it for the remaining longer events. It's a good 15 minutes for the former, and a bit longer for the latter. But last year they put the short races at the end of the night, so they never had to reassemble the track. I thought this worked pretty well, but someone thought otherwise. This year they went back to the old way.

Anyhow, I went, and I was immediately put off because I was early, but they had already started--my ticket said 6:30, but the program said things had started at 6:00. Now the events I missed certainly weren't of any great importance--first a pair of 4X400m Masters relays (masters being athletes over 40 years of age), one for each gender--then a couple of 4-lap relays for "youths" (youths being undefined in the program--apparently elementary schoolers, judging from the names of the teams entered). (Strangely, a lap this year was 145 meters, slightly shorter than the standard 160 yards.) Finally there was a "junior girls" 800m race, with contestants 11 to 14 years of age--the single 14 year-old being imported from California.

I missed all that, and I wasn't happy. I got to my seat in time for several 4X400m relays for high schoolers from differing geographical areas, plus one for Catholic high school girls. The last two were for the NYC public high schools. All of these races had several loud cheering sections, urging on their schoolmates.

I really wasn't too interested in any of these, except if a race was close. But at 7:00 they finally got to my favorite event, the pole vault. They started with the women's competition. This has been a Millrose event only since 1998, after being added internationally in 1992. Seven of the eight previous years it was won by Stacy Dragila, the American record holder both indoors and out. But this year she was absent. Present, however, was the second best American, Jenn Stuczynski. The announcer gave her a big build-up. But the event, and Stuczynski, were a big disappointment. There were six competitors, and one was eliminated at each of the first two heights (three misses in a row and you're out). Stuczynski passed at both heights, saving her energy for the higher ones. All four remaining made 4.40m (14-5¼), Stuczynski being the only one who needed two attempts. Then all four missed all three of their attempts at 4.47m (14-8¼)--12 misses in a row, which is not terribly exciting. And that was it. One vaulter became the winner because she had fewer misses. Stuczynski actually came in fourth, because of her miss at 4.40m--she only took 5 vaults altogether.

There was one nice thing about the event, though. They had a lighted sign that gave the vaulter's name and height attempted after each vault. This was very helpful, because they did not wear any numbers or names on their skimpy uniforms (think two-piece bathing suit).

Then the male pole vaulters started warming up. Meanwhile, there had been all sorts of races going on, plus the women's high jump--a track meet has been likened to a three-ring circus. Curiously, there was no men's high jump. Included was the longest individual event of the evening, at least time-wise: the men's one-mile race walk. The only ones longer were a couple of 4X800m relays.

Race-walking is this ridiculous-looking thing where the competitors are required to keep one foot on the ground at all times (there are judges stationed around the track to check on this). The result is this weird hip-swinging gait, especially at a distance of only a mile (in the Olympics the men walk 20K and 50K, 13+ miles and 30 miles). The winner took less than 6 minutes--only two minutes less than it takes athletes to run it. After a relay they held the Girls' High School Mile (with lots of screaming schoolmates in the stands). It was won by Danielle Tauro from Southern Regional (NJ) H.S.--last year's fifth place finisher.

Eventually they got to the end of the first set of races on the track, and a crew of men (I think they were all men) came out to disassemble the ends of the banked oval.
Meanwhile they got the men's pole vault going. I think it may actually have started a bit ahead of schedule, because the women's had gone so fast. Again there were six competitors. The men did attach their names to their shirts, so I could tell who they were, at least with my binoculars. As usual Toby Stephenson stood out as the only one wearing a helmet.

The men's competition was much better, with the lead changing hands several times. One competitor, Brad Walker, strategically passed his last two attempts at a height after missing. That gave him only two shots at the next one, but he made it on the second one. Then he passed the height after that entirely. Eventually it came down to him and Jeff Hartwig, a four-time winner of the event (though not since 2002). They both took three shots at 5.80m (19-0¼), but neither could make it. But Walker had passed at 5.73m (18-9½), which Hartwig made, so he won.

Meanwhile, they finished with the track, and ran the straight races down the middle of the arena. The runners actually go under the stands past the finish line, where there's a mat-covered wall to stop them. First they had the hurdles, men's and women's, college and open. 39-year old Gail Devers was making her return to competition after a year off to give birth to her first child. She finished far out, coming in fourth. The most memorable part of the hurdles was Andrea Bliss, who hit a hurdle and crashed to the floor, injuring her arm. She was down on the floor a long time, before she was ready to get up--a tween girl sitting next to me was amazed that the photographers just took her picture, rather than helping her. She's got a lot to learn about life and work. They tried to make a big deal of Terrence Trammell's attempt to be the first man to win both the hurdles and the dash at the Millrose Games, but he only placed third over the barriers.

Then they removed the hurdles for the dashes. They had the "Fastest Kid in New York City" 50m races for boys and girls 8-9 years old (they were cute, but a couple seemed really scared being out in front of thousands of people). That was followed by 60m races for high schoolers, then collegians, and finally the adult dashes. None of the names seemed terribly familiar except Trammell's, who came in third again.

When all that was done the crew returned to reassemble the track. They had a lot of trouble--by the time they were done they were half an hour behind schedule.

Meanwhile in the center of the field they set up for the men's shotput. This was a featured event--usually the throwing events, the shot put and weight throw (the indoor version of the hammer throw) are held earlier in the day in a more spacious building. But the U.S. has some very good athletes in the men's shot (some rather animated) so Millrose put them in primetime and prime place--despite the danger of having 16 lb. steel balls flying through the air. And sure enough, while they were warming up, one throw landed smack dab in the middle of the pole vault runway. Fortunately it didn't hit anyone, but it did wake some people up in that area.

As I said, some of the shot putters are animated. They are all big, strong guys, of course. But they have to be as fast as they are strong. Today practically all major shot putters use the spin technique, turning in the throwing circle much like a discus thrower, so it's not just strength and technique. One guy did a cartwheel after being introduced. Another guy has been trying to find a sponsor for a while. Last year he had "This Space For Rent" or something like that, printed on his t-shirt. This year it said "Still No Sponsor." There were four competitors here.

Somehow they chose four spectators from the stands. Each drew the name of one of the shot putters from a hat, and prizes would be awarded to the spectators depending on where "their" man finished. The first prize was a $100 gift card from the sponsor of the event, Visa.

The competition got under way. The announcer, and sometimes the competitors themselves, tried to get the crowd cheering. The T-shirt guy (I forget his name) has this routine before he throws. He stands way out in the landing area, exhorting the crowd. Then he strides to the throwing ring, pulling off his t-shirt and casting it aside. Then he gets to the ring, picks up the shot and throws it. This year his undershirt said "But My Mom Still Loves Me."

Reese Hoffa, last year's winner, did 21.00m (68-10¾) on his first throw, and he need not have thrown again--no one could equal it. Christian Cantwell came close, at 20.88m (68-6), but that was it. However, Hoffa (obviously the favorite of the tween girl sitting next to me--if she ever loses her voice she'll find it in my left ear) did not stop there. His second throw was even longer: 21.65m (71-0½). He followed that with a couple more throws over 21m. His winning throw broke his own Madison Square Garden record--it was 3 centimeters more than he did last year.

Eventually they got the running track back together, way past 10:00pm. They ran the women's mile, where Carmen Douna-Hussar won for the third year in a row. Her Canadian compatriots took the next two spots also, to the chagrin of the very vocal group urging on Ethiopian Mestawot Tadesse. It was a competitive race, but not very fast--14 seconds over the Millrose record. This was followed by the women's 800m, easily won by Jamaican Kenia Sinclair. (The Ethiopian runner came in fifth.) The men's 500m was next--nothing remarkable.

Then came the Boys' High School Mile--time for more schoolmate screaming. The announcer made a big deal of John Coghlan, all the way from Ireland. This would be his first time running on a banked track. It showed--he came in eighth. It was an exciting race, with Dan McManamon of Shenandehowa H.S. in Clifton Park, NY winning by less than a second.

The final event was the "Wanamaker Mile for the Rodman Wanamaker Trophy." It was named after the son of the founder of the Wanamaker Department stores, and it has remained the biggest event in the Millrose Games--despite the fact that there hasn't been a Wanamaker Department Store in New York City for decades. The two big names here were three-time winner Bernard Lagat, originally from Kenya but a new USA citizen, and Ethiopian Kenenisa Bekele. Last year Lagat broke the 24-year old Millrose record of Eamonn Coghlan. Bekele, who holds the world records in the 5,000m and 10,000m outdoors, and the 5,000m indoors, was trying the shorter distance this year (and picking up some appearance money no doubt).

Lagat had no trouble this year, cruising in nearly 5 seconds ahead of Bekele, who needed all the speed he could muster to hang on for second--much to the relief of his loud compatriots in the stands. Lagat's 3:56.85 barely made the top 30 for the Wanamaker Mile all-time. The two took a victory lap, as most of the crowd headed for the exits.

As we were leaving they announced the Outstanding Performer of the Millrose Games. To no one's surprise it was shotputter Reese Hoffa, with his Madison Square Garden (though not Millrose Games) record.

YAWN HEADLINE OF THE DAY

Chocolate Stores See Big Business Around Valentine's Day

OLYMPICS TONIGHT!

Tonight is the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics from Turin, Italy. We'll get to see the athletes march in, probably accompanied by trivialities about the various countries from the news anchor of the network broadcasting the games. Usually it's a pretty good show, though.

Tomorrow the actual competition starts. I can't wait for the penguin wrangling and team snowball fight events. What? They're not on the schedule? I'll just have to make do with curling and, what's the new one?, snowboard cross.

Seriously, I am looking forward to watching the Olympics, even though the big events will be shown on a delayed basis in the evening. (I hate knowing the results of an event beforehand, so I have to be careful to avoid news reports during the day.) Time Warner Cable has even managed to find a way to deliver NBC's secondary Olympic high definition channel, Universal-HD, in addition to the regular broadcast (both in standard definition and high), and the USA, CNBC and MSNBC channels they use for secondary events. My DVR will probably get a good workout.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY

Michaels Traded From ABC to NBC for a Cartoon Bunny

NEWS ABOUT ME

Last night I was elected Assistant Treasurer of the LeGal Foundation, the charitable wing of the LGBT Law Assn. of Greater New York. And the way these things usually work I'll probably be the treasurer in a year or two, if I want it.

It's a little more work to do. But it's good work--it's so nice to be retired, and really have the time to do these things.

MARTINA (THE FIRST) IS RETURNING TO TENNIS!

Navratilova, Turning 50, Plans Full Schedule With Slams

I wondered why she didn't play at the Australian Open. She has been my favorite player for a long, long time. It really would be interesting to see the two Martinas (Navratilova and Hingis, recently returned from her three-year injury layoff) playing doubles. They could be a formidable team.

I'd love to see her keep playing--and winning. She is only 4 behind Margaret Smith Court for the most Grand Slam titles in singles, doubles and mixed combined. Many of Court's wins were at her home country Australia's championships, back when many of the top players did not make the long journey there, so I think Navratilova has already accomplished more. Besides, Court is a homophobe. She has said Navratilova is a bad role model. I'd like to see her record eclipsed (by a lesbian, no less), just for that.

HAVE THEY NO SENSE OF SHAME?

The House Republicans rewarded Tom DeLay, their former majority leader, with a powerful position on the Appropriations Committee. DeLay was forced to step down when he was indicted on money laundering and conspiracy charges.

Not only did his Republican cronies reward him with the Appropriations seat, he was put on the subcommittee that controls the money going to the Justice Department, the very body that is investigating influence-peddling involving disgraced Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff. I'm sure the Justice Department will now get all the money they need to pursue the connections between Abramoff and various Republican lawbreakers, oops, lawmakers. Like I'm sure the stork brings new babies.

Oh, by the way, how did the vacancy on the Appropriations Committee come about? It was due to the resignation of Republican Randy "Duke" Cunningham, who pleaded guilty to taking $2.4 million in bribes.

JOHN BOEHNER, THE CLOCK IS TICKING

I previously noted that I was skeptical how long John Boehner, Tom DeLay's replacement as House Majority Leader, would last. Things keep popping up and popping up, tying him to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Now there's a report tying him to another lobbyist. So far they are these ties are indirect or incidental, but where there's smoke there's fire, as far as I'm concerned. He may not be quite as "dirty" as DeLay, now fighting felony charges, but all this just shows that "clean" Republicans still have an awful lot of dirt clinging to them.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO PROMOTE TOLERANCE?

Israelis Won't Stop Dig at Muslim Cemetery

JERUSALEM (AP) - A dispute over the fate of an ancient Muslim cemetery in Jerusalem threatened Wednesday to ignite tensions in Holy City as workers removed skeletons from the site despite Muslim pleas for the work to end.

Israeli developers and archaeologists are removing the tombs to make room for the Los Angeles-based Simon Wiesenthal Center to build a multi-million-dollar Museum of Tolerance, dedicated in part to promoting understanding among different religions. Muslims are incensed...

and most of the rest of us are just incredulous.

I'M A GUARDIAN?

I took this silly little Three Question Personality Test. It said:

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

Some things it got very right ("You are interested in rules and order" "With others, you tend to be polite and formal"), and some very wrong ("You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader" "A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do").

I think a personality test needs at least four or five questions to peg someone.

WEIRD WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

"film clip of gazelle running into tree" lists my blog as third.

IS THIS AS DUMB AS IT SOUNDS?

New Service Would Charge E-Mail Senders
AOL and Yahoo! are going to introduce a new service for e-mail senders that would allow the senders' e-mails to bypass their spam filters for a fee of 1/4 to 1 cent each. The idea is that legitimate senders will no longer have to worry about their stuff getting caught, but spammers will not pay for their huge mailings. The senders must pledge to send only to people who have opted to receive their messages.

My first question is, why are the spam filters so bad that they screen out legitimate e-mails? So AOL and Yahoo! can charge senders to get around them? This whole thing smells like a protection racket! If I were a legitimate sender whose messages weren't getting through I'd raise the roof.

Next question: has anyone ever heard of an e-mail recipient complaining that he or she is not receiving these e-mails? I'm sure the e-mails that are getting caught are not individualized ones. They are mass advertisements. The senders may be more legitimate than the spammers, but the e-mails are still just mailbox clutter.

The whole thing is academic to me. I wrote (and continue to write) my own spam filter, and no one can bribe me to let their spam bypass it.

Well, I suppose if someone offered me $10 each I could be bought.

YAWN OF THE DAY

Steelers Win Fifth Super Bowl Title
I'm waiting for "Browns Win First Super Bowl Title." I suspect I'll have a long wait.

VARIATIONS ON A (SPAM) THEME V

Regenerate your aliveness?
Regenerate your intimate experience?
Regenerate your intimate liveliness?
Regenerate your liveliness
Regenerate your sexual aliveness?
Rejuvenate your aliveness!
Rejuvenate your existence!
Rejuvenate your intimate life
Rejuvenate your intimate life!
Rejuvenate your intimate liveliness!
Rejuvenate your intimate living!
Rejuvenate your liveliness
Rejuvenate your living!
Rejuvenate your sexual aliveness
Rejuvenate your sexual existence
Rejuvenate your sexual experience
Rejuvenate your sexual liveliness
Rejuvenate your sexual liveliness!
Renew your intimate aliveness
Renew your intimate aliveness!
Renew your intimate existence
Renew your intimate living!
Renew your sexual aliveness
Renew your sexual aliveness?
Renew your sexual existence?
Renew your sexual liveliness!
renew your vitality
Restore your existence?
Restore your intimate aliveness?
Restore your intimate experience
Restore your intimate life?
Restore your liveliness
Restore your living!
Restore your sexual aliveness?
Restore your sexual existence
Restore your sexual life
Restore your sexual living!
Revitalise your experience
Revitalise your intimate existence
Revitalise your intimate liveliness
Revitalise your sexual aliveness?

If you like this sort of, er, inventiveness see my previous installments, starting with this one. I update them (and this one) continually, as more examples arrive.

I DO LOVE MY COMICS!

Today in The Boondocks comic strip we have Huey putting Lucy Van Pelt into his "hate book," because keeps pulling away the football, when Charlie Brown tries to kick it. Lucy and Charlie Brown are characters in a different comic strip, Peanuts, of course. What made this more amusing than it would have was that The Boondocks happened to be printed right below Peanuts in my Newsday. Too bad Charlie Brown and Lucy weren't in todays strip.

I love it when one comic strip starts referencing another, like they're in their own little world. There was a huge example of this last year, when they all celebrated the 75th anniversary of the Blondie comic strip. Characters in many other strips started talking about going to the anniversary party weeks before. Closer to the date they started appearing in each others strips, getting together for the journey, and finally on the big day they all showed up in Blondie.

I do love my comics. I switched from the New York Times to Newsday when the latter came into New York City with the slogan "Truth, Justice and the Comics." The Times has always been too stuffy to run comics--though that hasn't been a problem for the Washington Post, its closest competitor as "the newspaper of record."

Newsday has cut back on its comics over the years. It used to run three pages of them each day, and now it's only two, minus room for its "Kidsday" articles for/by children. So they've deleted a number of strips, and squished the remaining ones into a much smaller area. They have kept some of the deleted ones on their website, so I still follow one or two there, and there's a couple I find elsewhere on the internet. I sure wish the writer of Helen, Sweetheart of the Internet would return from "sabbatical," though.

WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

little girl lesbians wearing pantyhose
You think this is what the Bush administration was looking for in their fishing expedition?

At least my blog was down at number 70 on this one. Which means this guy (I'm assuming) probably looked at a lot of sites before he got to mine. I guess there isn't much more to do in Columbus, Ohio than there is in Dubai.

LET'S SEE HOW LONG THIS ONE LASTS

Rep. Boehner Elected House Majority Leader
The Republicans have come up with a replacement for Tom DeLay, who's a little preoccupied fighting off some felony charges. This guy's supposed to be "clean." We'll see.

LISA JACKSON LIVE MONDAY!

I found out last night that Lisa Jackson + Girl Friday are playing every Monday in February at Arlene's Grocery. It's even free!

Lisa rocks! I'll be there Monday, even if I have to go in the skirt suit I'll be wearing to make a presentation to the New York County Lawyers Assn board about endorsing the Gender Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA).

WEB SEARCH OF THE DAY

Somebody in Canada was looking for info on "duties on accordian" and got my blog. They had to go all the way to page 7 to reach me.

I'M SO OUT OF IT

The dating scene, that is.

In today's Newsday their "Survival Guide" features a story on "Eye Gazing." This is a new way for singles to meet. You get a roomful together, and each person gets 3 minutes to stare into the eyes of each person of the opposite sex--no talking (and presumably no touching) allowed. (There was no mention of whether there's a same sex version.) At the end people decide who they want to meet up with, and if two people want to meet each other, contact information is given.

One phrase in the article, er, caught my eye. It contrasted eye gazing to "traditional speed dating." Traditional? I've been out of the dating scene for nearly two decades now. Has speed dating been around so long it's traditional?

NON-SURPRISE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

Bush Skips Complex Realities in Address

A NEW EYE-OPENER

In my Fresh Direct delivery last weekend I got a free sample of Tab Energy, the Coca-Cola Company's attempt to market a Red Bull-like "energy drink" to young women. Well, even though I'm not young, and only part woman, I like it.

I first saw this advertised on New Year's Eve, on the Dick Clark broadcast. Actually, it was more of a product placement. There was a big sign for it in the background, and people were drinking it at tables behind the dancers, as I remember. I wondered what it was. Tab has been around since 1963, and I've been a fan since then. Until they came up with Diet Coke with Lime, it was my favorite--I'd drink several cans a day. Now, I just drink one Tab in the morning--somehow, it's a better eye-opener than the Diet Coke.

It should be noted that about the only thing Tab Energy and Tab have in common is the name and the color of the can. Tab Energy isn't even a cola, and it's not quite calorie-free: there are 5 per can. And the can is different: it's the tall, skinny 10.5 ounce energy drink size, not the conventional 12 ounce can. But it's still pink.

And the drink is pink, too!

It's got some ginseng in it, and it's sweetened by sucralose, not the saccharin-aspartame combination of regular Tab. I like the taste.

So I'm going to order some more. I see that it's not cheap: $1.75 per can--so I think I'll limit myself to having it as my wake-up drink. I think it's got more than enough caffeine to do the job.

WHERE WERE THE FLYING DONKEYS?

Last Thursday some friends from CDI and I went to see a performance of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Another member in our group, Little Rita, was in it, so we were anxious to see her perform.

I had seen productions of A Midsummer's Night Dream the last two years: one at the Williamstown Theater Festival in the summer of 2004, and one done by the Vienna Marionettes at the Metropolitan Museum of Art just a few weeks ago. I wondered how this one would compare.

The publicity for the play promised "flying donkeys, bewildered lovers and warring fairies." The latter two are certainly in Shakespeare's script, but flying donkeys? All Shakespeare had was one person transformed into an ass, who remained quite firmly planted on the ground, as best as I can remember. And I'm pretty sure Shakespeare did not include an onstage oompah band either--though the audience was promised that also, plus a cast of 23. It all sounded like a whole lot of fun.

We cabbed up to the McGinn Cazale Theatre at 76th and Broadway, an ironic location for an off-off-Broadway production (do two "off"s make an "on"? Not in the theater). Off-off-Broadway shows must have fewer than 100 seats, and they don't have to follow various union rules--like the rule requiring the actors to be paid. We got there early, bought our tickets, and waited for them to allow us in to the seats. Come to think of it, we didn't get tickets, we just got programs.

After a bit a guy wearing a San Francisco Mime Troupe T-shirt opened the door and let us in, checking to make sure we all had programs. I hadn't heard anything of the San Francisco Mime Troupe since my college days. I guess they're still around.

We went in and claimed seats near the front of the stadium-seated theater. We looked at the set, with the advertised 5'X10' crash mat--a foam rubberish thing about 30" high like they use for high jumpers to land on. Up high on the right was a tiny area for the musicians, with an upright piano. I was very glad I had worn a thick sweater with an attached fuzzy scarf--the theater was very cold. It didn't warm up much as the rest of the audience arrived, maybe a couple dozen people. So the audience and the cast were about the same size.

The musicians (weirdly costumed) warmed up and tuned. Eventually the guy in the Mime Troupe t-shirt took the stage and did the cell phone announcement, and the play began. Things went from weird to weirder. They started with an extended battle with wooden weapons between Theseus and Hippolyta. Shakespeare's script was not exactly adhered to, but it was close--if anything the action was clearer.

The publicity promised a "lavender Lysander"--by which they meant lesbian. Lysander was played by a woman. I really wondered why they bothered. Outside of changing a pronoun here or there, everything was played straight--literally. It soon became clear that Lysander being a woman did not really change anything in the play.

When the fairies arrived things really got interesting. They jumped down and landed on the crash pad. One did back flips both off a wall and straight from the floor. He flew all over the place, doing a somersault in the air before bouncing off the crash pad.

There was more gender-bending when it came to the commoners who would be putting on "Pyramus and Thisby," the play-within-a-play done in honor of Theseus' and Hippolyta's wedding: four of the six were played by women--though not Flute, who would be Thisby, the female lead.

The play took its course, with one intermission. Things got very silly with the play-within-the-play. The woman playing Snout, did the part of the wall upside-down--she did a headstand, with Pyramus and Thisby conversing, etc. between her extremely long legs. And when they got to the line of Thisby's when she attempts to kiss Pyramus through the chink in the wall, and says "I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all," looking down at Snout's crotch--well, you get the picture.

The whole thing was very enjoyable. The oompah band musical accompaniment was nice, adding just the right note of weirdness to the proceedings. The performances were very good--particularly Sara Moore's clownish Bottom (she's been in San Francisco’s Pickle Family Circus). She hammed it up perfectly--and got do a very realistic sex scene with Titania up in a hammock-thing, so only their heads and maybe their feet were visible. However, the hammock sure moved, so the audience knew very well what they were doing.

But even as an ass, Bottom did not fly. She did a little somersault off the hammock on to the pad just below, but I think that was it--certainly not the flying donkeys I was expecting. Oh, well.

It was all a lot of fun. Someone remarked that Shakespeare must be rolling over in his grave. I disagreed. Shakespeare wrote a comedy, to make people laugh, and he would probably be laughing to this production right along with the rest of us.

We waited in the lobby for Rita, and then we went down with her to get something to eat. She explained that we didn't get the full musical experience, because the flute and clarinet that are usually used were stolen since the previous performance. I had thought that the instrumentation was a bit weirder than it needed to be, but they covered the missing ones on the piano, I think--it wasn't bad.

We got some dinner at Nick's, a little place across Broadway that specializes in all sorts of hamburgers. I had an ostrichburger, with sweet potato fries. Yum.

But I still wish there had been flying donkeys.