Living with bobcats XLIV

Arizona: 3 young bobcats captured in north Casa Grande

Texas: Residents near Rolling Hills Country Club in Arlington reporting bobcats, Bobcat spotted roaming Dallas neighborhood

Headline of the day

Authorities in Belarus disperse pillow fight

(OK, the day was Thursday--I've been busy.)

Happy Bastille Day!

It's Bastille Day, which marks the beginning of the French Revolution in 1789--their 4th of July.

And happy anniversary to Helen and Rachel, and happy birthday to Johanna!

I already went to an early Bastille Day ball last Friday.

Semi-random thoughts

• It's weird listening to the 1812 Overture on the tiny speaker of my Droid phone.
• This blog has received its 76,000th visitor.
• My bank has lowered the interest rate on my mortgage. I received notice of the new amount one day after I made my payment. The extra money will go to reduce my principal--which means I'll have a smaller final payment to make--in 2032.
• It seems Rush Limbaugh had his NY apartment a block from me. I don't remember ever seeing him in the supermarket, however.

Living with mountain lions IX

Texas: Mountain Lion spotted in Round Rock

From today's TFLN

(610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

http://tfl.nu/0qxf

(985): Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!

http://tfl.nu/9t2j

(214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

http://tfl.nu/oc6k

(908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

http://tfl.nu/uh3k

(712): The police scanner is talking about you again....

http://tfl.nu/f6sk

Plats du jour--guest submission

Found by Joanne.

I ♥ Texts From Last Night

(504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

 http://tfl.nu/4z6k

(609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast

http://tfl.nu/q9sr
 

(630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
(217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

 http://tfl.nu/huht

(347): Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....

http://tfl.nu/buh9

Living with mountain lions (cougars) VIII

Wisconsin: Cougar Sighting in Merrill

Canada: Cougar spotted in Abbotsford, kills housecat

Living with bobcats XLIII

Connecticut: Rabid bobcat bit dog on Terry's Plains Road

Canada: Bobcat tracked after pet cat killed

Plat du jour

An umpire, I assume.

From the Department Of Redundancy Department

Patent holder sues smart phone makers over patents

--Associated Press

TFLN time

(240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

 http://tfl.nu/xn7n

(626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

http://tfl.nu/loae

Plat du jour

I don't know if this is in reference to the color of the car.

Question of the day

Why does Facebook have its own page on Facebook?

Living with bobcats XLII

Connecticut: Rabid Bobcat Attacks Dogs, Owner

Plat du jour

Texts From Last Night round-up

(575): We need to talk about our relationship.
(403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

http://tfl.nu/0ub4

(757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

http://tfl.nu/x7ms

(303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

http://tfl.nu/7sje

(440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

http://tfl.nu/9dr3

(917): I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.

http://tfl.nu/nr6p

(401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

http://tfl.nu/zt1d

(956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

http://tfl.nu/dv3c

(804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

http://tfl.nu/fzwu

(304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

http://tfl.nu/2www

(562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

http://tfl.nu/hz7t

(540): Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

http://tfl.nu/2421

(630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

http://tfl.nu/p9wa

I'm afraid it has come to this

From Overheard in the Office

Service rep on phone: Yes, ma'am, I can find a salon near you. What is your zip code?
(sound of five beeps as woman keys in her zip code)
Service rep: Ma'am, could you speak your zip code, please?
(five beeps again)
Service rep: Ma'am! You are on the phone with a human being! Tell me, using your words, what you zip code is! (pause) Thank you, no, I'm not a recording!

Best of Overheard in New York

Gray line employee #1: I hate the human race!
Gray line employee #2: They always speak well of you.

--47th St & 8th Ave

source, Jun 29, 2010

Living with mountain lions VII

Arizona: Police warn residents to be on lookout for mountain lion in area

Yawn headline of the day

Fireworks to highlight July Fourth celebrations

From the Locking the Barn Door After the Horse Is Gone Department

Gates wants military interviews with press cleared

Plat du jour

Yes, it's a diesel-powered Volkswagen.

The worst writing of the year

This year's winner of the Bulwer-Lytton worst writing award:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss - a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

My personal favorite:

The Zinfandel poured pinkly from the bottle, like a stream of urine seven hours after eating a bowl of borscht.

I'm overdue for some Texts From Last Night

(225): I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?

http://tfl.nu/j7ur

(864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

http://tfl.nu/nvim

(819): FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

http://tfl.nu/3wga

(515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

http://tfl.nu/mvhu

(503): Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.

http://tfl.nu/96cb

(260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

http://tfl.nu/i41h

(320): Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

http://tfl.nu/4ynh

(785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

http://tfl.nu/j8m9

(207): reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face

http://tfl.nu/zdhw

(314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

http://tfl.nu/ejbb

(864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

http://tfl.nu/wo9k

(908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

http://tfl.nu/741x

I ♥ NYC

From Overheard in New York:

Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me...
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.

--Bryant Park

Living with coyotes XVII

Girl, 6, Scratched, Bitten by Coyotes in NY Suburb

Plat du jour--guest submission

I thought the city was already sold. I guess it's back on the market.

Thanks, Joanne.

There's no fool like an April fool

ThinkGeek.com, an online store that sells "stuff for smart masses," put a new item on its site on April 1: Canned Unicorn Meat. They called it "the new white meat." They have now gotten a cease and desist letter from lawyers for the National Pork Board, claiming they are in violation of the Board's "The Other White Meat" trademark. I wonder how much it cost them to have their lawyers write the 12-page missive. April Fools, Pork Board!

Living with bobcats XLI

Arizona: Bobcats make themselves at home in Vail backyard, Reader photo

Plat du jour--guest submission

Thanks, Joanne.

Happy Solstice!

The sun is so high we're getting direct sunlight on the windows on the northern side of the apartment. It only happens a few hours each year.

Living with bobcats XL

Arizona: Scottsdale family finds live bobcat on porch

Wisconsin: Big cat visits Weston backyard

Plat du jour

A female French singer.

Living with bobcats XXXIX

Texas: Bobcat spotted near Plano's Old Shepard Place

TFLN roundup

(304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

http://tfl.nu/t3n8

(360): All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.

http://tfl.nu/fujj

(303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

http://tfl.nu/3qfc

(937): Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either

http://tfl.nu/8shq

(903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

http://tfl.nu/a1zy

(845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

(845): i guess it runs in the family.

http://tfl.nu/gfn4

(773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

http://tfl.nu/dmbr

(507): Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.

http://tfl.nu/ydba

(860): we've started having sober sex

(203): you really do like him

http://tfl.nu/ocmd

(312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

http://tfl.nu/6of9

(843): The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

http://tfl.nu/6x6n

WORLD CUP SECTION:

(914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

http://tfl.nu/5aat

(925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

http://tfl.nu/n6kw

(323): I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

http://tfl.nu/dryp

(209): Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

http://tfl.nu/af2i

(913): You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

http://tfl.nu/bt9z

Headline of the day

Bimbo Recalls Soft White Bread

I didn't know bimbos had such great memories.

A geography lesson at the supermarket

Califorina? Well, at least we know it's somewhere in the USA.

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXXVIII (and mountain lions (cougars) and bears)

Minnesota: Two bobcat sightings on Hiawatha Ave., Bobcat search starts from scratch

Plat du jour

On a shiny, black car.

Best Text From Last Night

(912): It's shedding
(1-912): I told you penises don't tan

http://tfl.nu/7fx9

Living with bobcats XXXVII

Pennsylvania: Man gets unexpected visit from bobcat near Julian

Florida: Cute and cuddly doesn't count with this little kitty

TFLN time

(513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

http://tfl.nu/keaf

(205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

http://tfl.nu/44vh

(339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

http://tfl.nu/ap45

(270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

http://tfl.nu/qnn2

(650): we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
(505): god you guys know how to party
(650): worst. bachelorette party. ever.

http://tfl.nu/3oqx

(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
(1-409): How are you texting me from 1998?

http://tfl.nu/t1vq

(403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.

http://tfl.nu/0g8l

(718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
(917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

http://tfl.nu/gosl

Living with bobcats XXXVI

California: 'Babe' has her babies

Arizona: Reader Photos

Headline of the day

Boy uses video game skills to save sister from moose

It's time for more Texts from Last Night

(678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
(908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

http://tfl.nu/yka4

(315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

http://tfl.nu/73dw

(954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

http://tfl.nu/9kja

(216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

http://tfl.nu/d4mm

(443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

http://tfl.nu/2acf

(860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

http://tfl.nu/yswk

(+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

http://tfl.nu/4iya

(219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

http://tfl.nu/0knj

(514): I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was

http://tfl.nu/5j8j

Plat du jour

From Overheard in New York

Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid--there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.

--Metro North

via Overheard in New York, Jun 1, 2010

The classiest flash mob ever

HT to Bil Browning at Bilerico

Plat du jour--guest submission

I assume the seats in this car recline.



Another one from Joanne.

Living with bobcats XXXV

Canada: Bobcat spotted in another Calgary neighbourhood

Virginia: The Cat In The ... Vent

I ♥ Texts From Last Night

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

From Overheard on the Beach

Girl shouting to friends: Goldilocks! Stop sleeping in everyone's bed, you whore!
--Tampa, Florida

via Overheard at the Beach, May 31, 2010

Plat du jour

Time for more Texts From Last Night

(214): If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.

 http://tfl.nu/19fo

(206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

 http://tfl.nu/x87e

(402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
(402): Update, its a couple

http://tfl.nu/mrbp

(403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

 http://tfl.nu/j4fw

(607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

 http://tfl.nu/om4f

(614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

 http://tfl.nu/l5nn

(402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

 http://tfl.nu/p0yn

(512): why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

 http://tfl.nu/z7m2

Plat du jour--guest submission

Beware of Ivy League wolves





HT to Joanne

Living with bobcats XXXIV

Rabies: Florida Bobcat That Attacked Horse Tests Positive

Yes, cat, I am looking at your fat ass

Plat du jour

What would Freud say?

More great Texts From Last Night

(613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

 http://tfl.nu/in19

(303): I don't know where my bra went.
(1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

http://tfl.nu/03yq

(530): There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

 http://tfl.nu/te5k

(516): Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.

 http://tfl.nu/o92e

(937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

http://tfl.nu/hmr5

(403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

 http://tfl.nu/6qnx

Even cows get a day off sometimes

(Maxppp/ZUMA Press)

This is a great idea

Cartoon Network plans major anti-bullying campaign

It seems Fossella has some sense

Fossella NOT Mounting A Comeback

Living with bobcats XXXIII

California: Bobcat family makes home at golf course

Best Texts From Last Night of the week

(804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

http://tfl.nu/gp9t

(248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

 http://tfl.nu/6tb5

(203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

 http://tfl.nu/4eoz

(706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

 http://tfl.nu/e8qy

(805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
(818): god is laughing at you again

 http://tfl.nu/4fg3

(810): can I come stay the night
(217): yeah, but no sex tonight
(810): I'll stay home

http://tfl.nu/tu8g

Plat du jour

Best Overheard in the Office of the week

Diner #1: I don't think you want to increase your vascular output for a snake bite.

Diner #2: So no Viagra.

Diner #3: Why would anyone take Viagra hiking?

Diner #2: To keep from rolling out of the tent.

Oak Ridge, Tennessee

--source

Runner-up:

Hotel clerk #1 to another, after seeing tv news report: Can you believe someone left that secret iPhone at a bar?

Hotel clerk #2: Well, not all the stupid people work here.

Manhattan, New York

--source

Can't the Staten Island Republicans find anyone decent?

Ex-Staten Island Congressman Vito Fossella May Be Coming Back to Politics

Back in 2008 I chronicled the descent and demise of Fossella, the Republican Congressman who left office in disgrace after being caught drunk driving to visit his mistress and their child, while his wife and their children waited at home.  Now the jerk has been nominated to run against the Democrat who took over his seat.

I wish

DO NOT CROSS: Tourists stood on a sidewalk Thursday along Fifth Avenue in New York where an anonymous artist painted a white line and the words “New Yorkers” and “Tourists” in an attempt to divide pedestrian lanes. (Mike Segar/Reuters) Source

Living with bobcats XXXII

California: Bobcat stirs mixed feelings in upscale Newport Beach neighborhood, Dover Shores resident zooms in on bobcat, Family Of Bobcats Make Home On Oceanside Golf Course

Oklahoma: Oktaha Postmaster Delivers Photo Of Bobcat To NewsOn6.com

Iowa: Kingsley woman spots bobcat on back deck

Florida: Bobcat Falls To Death From Power Pole

Plat du jour

I think they're reproducing

"Pirate" pleads guilty--Yay!

Piracy suspect pleads guilty in NY court to hijack

Taylor Momsen and bobcats connect

No, not really. But a column on the front page of today's New York Times business section by David Carr talks about how headlines are manipulated to attract Google's attention, so I thought I'd get in on the act. Like this post, his column had nothing to do with Taylor Momsen. And I can't even claim to have had any idea who Taylor Momsen is, at least before I read his column.

As for the bobcats, (which this post really isn't about either), a lot of the visits to this blog have been by people who Googled "bobcats" in its images section. I've had over thirty of my "Living with bobcats" posts, which I have illustrated with one or another bobcat image I've hotlinked to. For some reason Google sometimes lists this blog in the first five or six results. Last week it was even number three, until it disappeared on Sunday. My daily hit count went way down.

So this is my shameless attempt to regain my high ranking for bobcats (plural, not singular) images.

Another two weeks of TFLN (Part 4)

MISC

(860): She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

http://tfl.nu/wtuh

(703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

http://tfl.nu/0otc

(267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
(484): God wants them to get laid too.

http://tfl.nu/23cz

(337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

http://tfl.nu/jwrv

(281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

http://tfl.nu/asc9

(301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

http://tfl.nu/ivbh

(507): Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

http://tfl.nu/hk0d

(757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

http://tfl.nu/wt3s

(608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

http://tfl.nu/mczp

(660): My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

http://tfl.nu/iyqj

(703): Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.

http://tfl.nu/mxxc

(704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

http://tfl.nu/ot2w

Another two weeks of TFLN (Part 3)

DRUGS

(816): Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.

http://tfl.nu/ygc3

(616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

http://tfl.nu/giz7

(914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

http://tfl.nu/jvjy

SCHOOL

(516): any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?

http://tfl.nu/452g

(260): Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
(219): You said that last year...

http://tfl.nu/7qlf

(269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

http://tfl.nu/dknj

(516): Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.

http://tfl.nu/ofvx

(970): the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

http://tfl.nu/8tbj

(512): Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?

http://tfl.nu/y99r

(856): i just sold back the books i vomitted on

http://tfl.nu/74a4

(845): Because ur a stupid bitch
(1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

http://tfl.nu/0sjk

(864): Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this

http://tfl.nu/9hno

(366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

http://tfl.nu/eijl

(203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

http://tfl.nu/g05l

(715): Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!

http://tfl.nu/fchw

(503): No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.

http://tfl.nu/ym74

Another two weeks of TFLN (Part 2)

SEX

(910): This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.

http://tfl.nu/a6lo

(419): All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.

http://tfl.nu/ooyw

(757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

http://tfl.nu/ihy8

(646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
(1-646): Your pregnant arnt you

http://tfl.nu/t59m

(918): Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

http://tfl.nu/cew3

(732): obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.

http://tfl.nu/4d0b

(309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

http://tfl.nu/wbty

(847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
(952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

http://tfl.nu/ht91

(405): Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times

http://tfl.nu/skpm

(609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

http://tfl.nu/v5ez

(850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

http://tfl.nu/tn6y

(620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

http://tfl.nu/24p0

(702): Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter

http://tfl.nu/pr4p

(760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

http://tfl.nu/iolx

Another two weeks of Texts From Last Night (Part1)

There are just tons and tons of good ones. There's something about the end of the school year that brings out the worst (and funniest) in people.

DRINKING

(720): You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb

http://tfl.nu/rxp6

(765): I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.

http://tfl.nu/oixi

(203): that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

http://tfl.nu/oyv6

(501): Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

http://tfl.nu/8hd7

(214): bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

http://tfl.nu/k2ap

(615): good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.

http://tfl.nu/bhcd

(757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

http://tfl.nu/umk4

(904): Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea

http://tfl.nu/h1b1

(518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

http://tfl.nu/t4x8

(613): I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after

http://tfl.nu/kbgy

Sometimes I really think the same way

From Bizarro

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXXI

California: Residents say bobcat family has left community
Arizona: Reader photo

Best Overheard in New Yorks of the week, so far

Hipster #1: I'm not a hipster. I'm a bisexual Jew with a penchant for interning at alternative magazines and weeklies.
Hipster #2: You've got the words "bisexual, Jew, penchant, interning," and "alternative" in a single sentence. Dude, that is the definition of hipster.

--Think Coffee

Source

Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you're going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn't realize you were late for your episode of "what not to wear."

--Bleecker & Broadway

Source

I've been sketched!

Luma Rouge drew this highly flattering sketch of me accepting my raffle winnings from Anita Cookie at the Dangerous Curves Ahead Kickoff Show.

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXX

California: Bobcat mom and babies entertain neighborhood

Texas: Bobcat invades yard, attacks dogs

Plat du jour

Doctors dream of Porsches. At least this one does.