Go Beavers!

Canada's eager beavers build world's largest dam

Plat du jour

In Yiddish this means a divinely foreordained spouse or soulmate (female). At least that's what Wikipedia says.

Alignment fail

http://failblog.org/2010/04/28/epic-fail-photos-auto-sign-fail/

Two weeks of great Texts From Last Night

There are so many I divided them into categories.


DRINKING

(917): Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

http://tfl.nu/sdds

(416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

http://tfl.nu/0i7a

(507): I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya

http://tfl.nu/oizi


SEX

(714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

http://tfl.nu/4tuf

(714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

http://tfl.nu/k8wl

(435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

http://tfl.nu/b5vr

(513): You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.

http://tfl.nu/utqj

(540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

http://tfl.nu/4fyt


SCHOOL

(810): The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.

http://tfl.nu/bsvq

(336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

http://tfl.nu/g1bs

(616): So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???

http://tfl.nu/k6yj

(781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

http://tfl.nu/8mwn


MISC

(904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

http://tfl.nu/1mju

(337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

http://tfl.nu/whuj

(732): and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

http://tfl.nu/ub7i

The best Overheard in the Office of the week

Innocent female hospital coworker: What does "coitus" mean?
Devious male hospital coworker: Gee, I'm not sure, why don't you google it?
Innocent female hospital coworker: Okay, I'll check wikipedia. (does so, then screams and covers computer screen with both hands, averting her eyes)
Devious male hospital coworker, laughing hysterically: Is something wrong?
Innocent female hospital coworker, still covering screen: There are pictures!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Gerry

via Overheard in the Office, Apr 27, 2010

The best from Overheard in New York of the last week

Girl: You know, I really appreciate that you're the only guy friend I have that never tried to hit on me.
Guy: Don't give me too much credit, I just don't think you're hot.

--Union & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ra

via Overheard in New York, Apr 30, 2010

Shiksa: Is semen kosher for Passover?
Jewish girl: I think so. Sperm don't have hooves.

--23rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jason

via Overheard in New York, Apr 30, 2010

Mother: Fee fie fo fum!
Very young daughter: I have me a smelly bum!
Mother: Oh dear.

--McCarren Park

Overheard by: Todd Dillard

via Overheard in New York, Apr 27, 2010

Monty Python + Star Trek = LOL

HT to Sandy Shoes

Semi-random thoughts

• Periodically the United States Treasury has been introducing additional security measures to the currency. Another version of the $100 bill was recently announced. But I don't see how this will prevent counterfeiting, since the old versions of the bills are still being used. The counterfeiters can still make fakes of the old versions.
• I got a request for my current contact information from a group I'm in. It asked for my name, e-mail address, cellphone, and home phone (if any). Today it is assumed one has a cell phone, but not necessarily a home phone. 
• I got a Facebook ad for breastfeeding tops. I'm trying to decide if this is even more stupid than the ones for FTM top surgery.
• Google has resumed listing my glob for "bobcats" images (though not "bobcat"). It was third the last time I looked. This is why my hit count has averaged 45 a day for the last week.
  

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXIX

Massachusetts: Bobcat makes a late-night appearance

Semi-random thoughts

• Google Maps' public transit directions are very useful, except they don't take into account the multiple entrances many subway stations have. I'd love directions that did, and tell you which part of the train to ride in. That would be extremely useful. Hopstop does seem to know about multiple exits, so I'll try using that.
• Maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen on Facebook: "Juliet Jeske became a fan of Pinchbottom Burlesque and Torah."
• I got one of those new Cisco Valet wireless routers after my old router died. It's as easy to install as they claim. It even has a nice feature that lets guests use it to access the internet, while still keeping them out of the rest of the network.
• Tickets went on sale for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show this week. It's still April.

Living with bobcats XXVIII

Bobcat that attacked Arizona man was rabid

Massachusetts: Bobcat spotted in Ludlow

Headline of the day

Bolivian president says eating chicken turns men gay

OK, he was talking about chicken injected with female hormones, but still, this is pretty stupid.

Now if he said the chicken made men's breasts grow, well, I think I'd be eating more chicken.

My top Texts From Last Night of the week

(256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

http://tfl.nu/8aru

(610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

http://tfl.nu/1pbs

(214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

http://tfl.nu/a1lj

(517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

http://tfl.nu/a468

(530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

http://tfl.nu/yh1f

Places I slept last year

I see I never posted this.

New York, NY
Albany, NY
Lenox, MA
Boston, MA
Lowell, MA

An even shorter list than 2008's.

HT to Veronica

Micro-review: Lend Me a Tenor

Well-done fluff. Aside from one or two bad homonym jokes it is an evening of non-stop laughter.

Yay, Turkey!

Turkish navy commandos capture pirates

Next, remove "under God" from the Pledge

Federal judge rules Day of Prayer unconstitutional

And after cleaning up the Pledge of Allegiance let's remove "In God We Trust" from our money.

I note with satisfaction that Judge Crabb sits in my old college town, Madison, Wisconsin.

Living with bobcats XXVII

Arizona: Bobcat invades Phoenix man's attic with babies in tow

Headline of the day

Cops: Drunk horseman rides into crowd on Mule Day

Somali thugs apparently win one

Somali pirates hijack cargo ship near Seychelles

Semi-random thoughts

• Saturday generally seems to be the worst day of the week for visits to my blog. I guess I have somehow developed a following among orthodox Jews.
• A Facebook friend wrote,
  

  Can anyone I know recommend a place in NYC to eat that is loud, dark and impossible to have a conversation with someone? Can be expensive, I'm not paying.

  I wonder who she has to dine with?
• This morning a bird pooped on my wife's head. Everyone (including me) told her it's good luck. (Everyone (including me) lied.)
• It seems the expected life expectancy of an under-sink swing out garbage pail is 8.5 years.

Somali thugs lose again

US Navy holds 6 suspected pirates after battle

Another great TFLN

(757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

source

From TFLN

(636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

source

(612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

source

(256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

source

Yawn headline of the day

City Catholics Attend Easter Sunday Services

It would have been news if they didn't attend.

Quote of the day

"Dear Lord – in the past year you have taken away my favorite actor (Patrick Swayze), my favorite actress (Farrah Fawcett), my favorite musician (Michael Jackson) and my favorite pitchman (Billy Mays).

"Just wanted to let you know my favorite TV and radio personalities are Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin."

--Lawrence Eisenberg via Liz Smith

Headline of the day

Easter Bunny Assaulted Outside Fishkill Candy Shop

Living with coyotes XVI

New York: Pet Poodle Killed by Coyote at Rye Retirement Home

How about this, bacon lovers?

The always-inventive people at ThinkGeek have come up with a new toy:

My First Bacon

Product Specifications

•Huggable plush bacon for kids and kids at heart 8 and older
•Says "I'm bacon!" when you squeeze him
•Mechanical animated mouth
•Velveteen pork flesh and super soft fleece fat
•Teach your kids to love bacon, not pigs
•Please do not eat My First Bacon(tm).
•Requires 3 x AA Batteries (not included)
•Dimensions: 19" tall by 7" wide

Living with bobcats XXVI

Washington: Visiting bobcat spooks pets, their owner in Port Ludlow

My census has been queered

Stupid Somali thugs lose another one

US Navy frigate captures 5 pirates near Seychelles

Happy April Fool's Day!

Click here

TFLNs of the day

Tons of good ones today. My favorites:

(615): I'm watching ellen!
(1-615): just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show http://tfl.nu/chlu

(719): I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me. http://tfl.nu/o08k

(630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.http://tfl.nu/xm6j

(408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2

(919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
(1-919): And that worked?
(919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso

(214): new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5. http://tfl.nu/1dnu

Yay, Netherlands!

Dutch disarm 12 pirates off coast of Somalia

Living with bobcats XXV

Canada: Second sighting of elusive bobcat

Micro-review: Hard Times

The Pearl Theatre Company scores again. Six actors juggle 19 roles plus ensemble in this excellent adaptation of Dickens' novel.

Headline of the day

Police: Drunk Pa. man tried to revive dead opossum

Catching up on Texts From Last Night

Lots of St. Patricks Day and spring break texts. Here are my 10 favorites, in reverse chronological order if that makes any difference.

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

Living with coyotes XV

Wily coyote evades NYC police capture for 2 days

Waste not, want not

Headline of the day

I don't know where this appeared.

HT to Dave Hilton on Facebook

Another Somali thug bites the dust

Private guards kill Somali pirate for first time

I really don't care who has jurisdiction over private guards. I doubt any Somali hijackers are going to be looking to sue them. I suppose if a Somali fisherman is killed or injured the question might arise.

Semi-random thoughts

• I realize I no longer need to carry around my little flashlight. My phone has a flashlight app. However, it does not have a pocketknife app. Or a handkerchief app. 
• The way end-of-season tournaments work, most college basketball players will end their careers with a loss. That's kind of sad.
• I've been waiting to see the details of the new "emeritus" status for New York State lawyers. I had read that if you were over 55 and only wanted to do pro-bono work, you would be exempted from the $350 fee and 24 hours of continuing legal education every two years. It sounded perfect for me. But my hopes have been dashed, for a couple of reasons. First, there is also a requirement that you have practiced law for 10 years. I don't think I could honestly claim that. Second, you are required to perform at least 60 hours of pro-bono work every two years, and it has to be within a few designated programs. So it looks like I will still have to take CLE classes and pay my fee. The only bright side to this is that I haven't wasted the time and money I've spent on CLE this biennium. I've already accumulated 15 hours, so I only need 9 more by November.
• Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck were born one day apart. Maybe there is something to this astrology stuff after all.

Living with bobcats XXIV (and coyotes, too)

Florida: Wildlife adapting to urban area

From Overheard in the Office

It's been a while since I checked this site. Here are my favorites from the last few weeks.

Female attorney to secretary: Even the three-ways are a pain in the butt.

Middle manager: I'm not going to eat until all of these problems are solved
Office temp: Wow, you're gonna die.

CSR #1: Yeah, I was a vegan for a few years.
CSR #2: What happened?
CSR #1: Chicken happened.

Elevator geek: An IUD is not a weapon. It's a contraceptive.
Elevator cougar: Depends on who you ask.

Manager: So to get to know each other a little better I'm going to ask you all to answer this question: if you were an animal, what would it be? I'd be a cat, I think.
Cashier #1: A chinchilla. They're cute.
Cashier #2: A guinea pig, because they're awesome.
Cashier #3: A bird, so I could shit on anybody who tried to shit on me.
(long awkward pause)
Manager: Okay. That's a good answer too.

Overheard in New York of the day

Shabby-looking vegan woman: Vegans have much better sex!
Black man in suit, looking her up and down: I'd rather have a hamburger.

--Columbus Circle

source

One small step for a woman...

Vienna makes first woman concertmaster permanent

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXIII

Florida: Bobcat On The Prowl Near Homes?

Micro-review: Mr. & Mrs. Fitch

Mr. & Mrs. Fitch: Reasonably entertaining, with witty, ridiculous dialog until near the end. Fine performances by John Lithgow and Jennifer Ehle. I loved her shoes.

Semi-random thoughts

• Why does Pandora's British Invasion station have songs by Bob Dylan and Simon and Garfunkel?
• I am being "shadowed" by a college student writing a profile of me. This is the second one doing this in the last two years. The first was an undergraduate at Sarah Lawrence. This one is a grad student at the Columbia J-School. They think I'm an interesting subject for a profile. I can't imagine why.
• While we were in Washington for the Lobby Days of the National Center for Transgender Equality several of us noticed how spotless the floors of the Capitol Hill buildings were. I remarked that I've seen hospital floors that weren't so clean.
• My census forms came while I was in Washington. We're supposed to report who's living at the address on April 1. Why are they sending the forms out so early? Do they really expect people to hold on to them for over 2 weeks before filling them out and sending them in?

Somali thugs continue to be stupid

Somali pirates attempt attack on Dutch warship

Living with mountain lions VI

Colorado: Lion enters home

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXII

Texas: Bobcat caught in Houston parking garage

One more reason to take Amtrak

Amtrak Launches Wireless Access on Acela Express Trains


Unfortunately my trip to Washington for the NCTE Lobby Day in a couple weeks will not be on the Acela--the timing didn't work out.

Take that, Somalian thugs

NATO warship sinks pirate ship off Somalia

Beware of Starbucks

Starbucks lets customers carry guns into their stores

(However, we don't have to worry about this in NYC, with our gun laws.)

New York gets 2 feet of snow

I've seen this photo two or three places, but the first was a FB post by Jo Weldon.

Headline of the day

Puppet cleavage a no-no for Colo. bus shelter ads

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XXI

Florida: Bobcat spotted in NSB beachside near A1A high rises

Some birds have no respect for authority

HT to Lady Rizo.

Best Text From Last Night of the day

(408): Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/sgs8

Best Overheard in New York of the Day

Guy #1: Yo, why haven't you followed me on Twitter yet?
Guy #2: Man, I don't even pay attention to you when you talk!
--2 Train

Overheard in New York

Headline of the day

Man Seeks Shelter for Bronx Flock of Wild Chickens

My Olympic confession

OK, I admit it. I'm addicted to watching the Olympics. I can't wait for tomorrow: curling starts!

New shoes!

I can't remember the last time I wore heels even this high, at least outside home. They're a bit tight (but not painful), which means I always feel them on my feet--which I like. ;) And they stay on--the straps keep me from slipping my heels out when sitting. It will be fun wearing them to the theater and a burlesque show Wednesday--not to mention a bar or two afterwards.

Best Text From Last Night of the day

(816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

http://tfl.nu/i2tt

Living with bobcats XX

Texas: Construction Causing City Wildlife Incursion

Florida: Bobcats Seen Roaming Beach City

Washington: Bobcat sightings in Woodinville

Participatory democracy: We get to vote for the new NYC condom wrapper design

http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/condoms/contest.shtml






The City of New York distributes free condoms at hundreds of bars, clubs and other places. Now we get to vote on the design of the new wrapper. Let's hear it for participatory democracy!

Living with bobcats XIX

Canada: Neighbours not alarmed by bobcat sighting

I ♥ NYC

Greenpeace guy: Hey, sign this petition!
Girl in black: No, thanks.
Greenpeace guy: It's to save the Earth!
Girl in black: Fuck the Earth.
Greenpeace guy: But what about the children?
Girl in black: Fuck the children.

--7th Ave & 25th

from Overheard in New York

It seems the NY Times has more clout than this blog

In December I posted a little rant about Duane Reade's misleading packaging of its Delish brand snack chips. Apparently I wasn't the only one to notice this. In an article in today's paper the Times reports that

After being questioned about the bags by The New York Times, Duane Reade said it would correct the chip labels.

The next step is to ban Taco Bell

Mexico asks UNESCO to protect country's cuisine

Quote of the day

Trying to log out of the new fb took longer than getting out of a straight jacket.

--Albert Cadabra, magician, escape and sideshow artist

Headline of the day

Anger counselor charged with pulling gun in parking flap

(HT to Ivan Dominguez)

Yay, Denmark!

Danish forces free ship captured by pirates

Unfortunately all of the hijackings don't end this way.

TFLN of the day

We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame. http://tfl.nu/u712

Gosh, I wish I knew what painting they were looking at

Woman #1, in front of painting of the Virgin Mary: This is the oddest depiction of Mary I've ever seen. And the most sexiest.
Woman #2: She's so... Boobilicious.

--The Met

From Overheard in New York

Another use for my labeler

I have worn off the markings on some of the keys. (The Z is from a game I play.)

Headline of the day

Fire in Houston blamed on inflatable gorilla

Plat du jour

Living with bobcats XVIII

California: Bobcats seen in San Clemente back yard

Georgia: Bobcat seen in Macedonia

Utah: Bobcat goes fishing on Main

Oklahoma: Bobcat hit by car at Flood Avenue, Bobcat hit by car on Flood Avenue dies

Texas: Morris students cry bobcat

Arizona: Baby bobcat caught, 1 of 2 seen in Casa Grande neighborhood

Semi-random thoughts

• For several months I've been sending out weekly e-mails to a group of friends about what my plans were for going out. Last week I found out that one of them hadn't received any of my messages. I never got a bounce back, but she just wasn't getting them, not even in her spam folder. We ran tests, where I replied to a message of hers (which I received just fine), after deleting her from my contact list. Nothing worked. I have to use an old email account I have on mail.com to get to her. I wonder if it has something to do with my being on Yahoo and her being on Hotmail. UPDATE: the mystery is solved. Her account got hacked. A bunch of addresses had been added to her safe list, and mine, among others, were blocked. Why the hackers blocked some addresses I have no idea. Nor do I understand why the e-mails didn't bounce back to me.
• One of life's awkward moments: being followed on Twitter by an old friend of a friend who's a convicted, unrepentant pedophile.
• I know two people named X*****. One can get more than a bit obnoxious when she's been drinking. The other one is that way stone cold sober.
  
  
  

Living with raccoons II (this is right in my "backyard!")

Rabid Raccoons Continue to Invade Central Park, Eight More Found in Two Weeks

Flight attendant raps safety instructions

Living with bobcats XVII

Minnesota: Bobcat attack on dog causes stir

Canada: Wildlife experts ease fears about Braeside bobcat

Great fake flower find

My wife bought these fake flowers from a sidewalk vendor on Columbus in the 60's. They're made of wood shavings! (Click on the photo to enlarge.)

Living with coyotes XIV (and bobcats, too)

Texas: Police issue warnings about coyotes in Bellaire

TFLN of the day

I've succumbed to another internet time-waster: Texts From Last Night. My choice for the best from today:

you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

Runner-up:

A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.

The FBI has some real idiots working for them

Spanish lawmaker's photo used for bin Laden poster
It didn't cross anyone's mind that someone might object to having his facial features used in a wanted poster for the world's most notorious terrorist? Or did they just think that nobody would recognize the facial features they stole copied? The FBI employs some real numbskulls.

Facebook people: Help LGBT charities get free money

JPMorganChase is giving away $5 million to charities chosen by Facebook users. The first round of voting was in December. Now there's a few days to vote for the final prizes--one group will get $1 million for its work. There are three LGBT-oriented charities among the finalists, and I urge you to vote for them.

You do have to become a fan of Chase Community Giving (I suppose you can un-fan them after voting.) Each Facebook user gets 5 votes. (I'm not sure what, if anything, I will do with my last 2.) Click on the 3 "badges" below--they are actually different links, taking you to the different groups' voting pages, with detailed information on who they are and what they would do if they got the million dollars. Please vote for them. The last day is Friday, January 22.

Here is a detailed description of the program from Chase's FAQs:

Chase Community Giving is a program run by Chase that allows Facebook users to vote for local charities and non-profits, and helps direct Chase corporate philanthropy dollars to eligible organizations in the following focus areas: education, healthcare, housing, the environment, combating hunger, arts and culture, human services, and animal welfare. The grassroots campaign aims to inspire a new way of corporate philanthropy.

The eligible charity receiving the most votes will be awarded $1 million, the top five runners-up will receive $100,000 each, and the 100 finalists, including the top winners, will be awarded $25,000 each. Additionally, a special Advisory Board led by prominent national philanthropists will allocate $1 million to the nominated charities of its choice.

My recommendations:

The Matthew Shepard Foundation, fighting hate crimes:
The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN), fighting harassment and bullying in schools:

The Trevor Project, fighting youth suicides:

Living with mountain lions V (and bobcats, too)

Colorado: Mountain lions kill pet (scroll down)

Living with coyotes XIII

Sandyshoes, who lives on Cape Cod, reported seeing a coyote in her driveway.

(This is a generic picture of a coyote, not the one she saw.)

Stupid product of the day--and maybe for a lot longer

Taylor Gifts' Flameless remote control candles

This is the most stupid product I've seen in a long time. I suppose it might be of some use to a disabled person, but otherwise, why would anyone need this thing? The little remote is just begging to get lost.

Public Service Announcement

Estimated taxes are due tomorrow.

Living with bobcats XVI

Arizona: Bobcat kittens will stay at Prescott Lakes