Semi-random thoughts

• For years I've been saying that Iraq would be three separate countries within 15 years of us getting out. Now I wonder if it will be 15 months.
• I recently got a visitor to my blog from Mongolia. I think that's a first.
• My wife asked me to add a couple of tags to her key ring--her new gym membership card and a Godiva Chocolate frequent buyers card.

Somalia acts against its own thugs

43 Pirates Arrested, Extensive Shore-Based Anti-Piracy Operations Continue in Somalia

It remains to be seen if this actually does anything significant.

The TFLN round-up

(408): You are right.  The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it. http://tfl.nu/jmvc

(724): My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's? http://tfl.nu/cp3t

(360): Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people. http://tfl.nu/w1ks

(619): The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
(1-619): Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl. http://tfl.nu/aous

(218): You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes. http://tfl.nu/x3hi

(712): I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand.  I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/bjop

(859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx

(712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist.  If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i

(517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv

I ♥ NYC

I wonder if drivers compete for this route just so they can make this joke.

Commuter to 10 bus driver: Are you a 10?
Driver: Hope so... At least an eight.

--X10 Bus Stop

via Overheard in New York, Dec 23, 2011

Plat du jour--(timely) guest submission

Found by Joanne.

Somali thugs thwarted again

US Navy Stops Somali Pirate Attack

Headline of the day (or, Damning with faint praise)

Less wooden Romney hits New Hampshire campaign trail

Happy Festivus!

To all those who observe Festivus, have a happy one.

If you'd like to sing a Festivus song, see my previous post.

Two more days of them

(971): he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
(916): you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it http://tfl.nu/3y26

(503): I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation.. http://tfl.nu/9q0x

(717): Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up. http://tfl.nu/k28p

(724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf

The week's best TFLNs

(269): I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class http://tfl.nu/65qj

(580): Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying" http://tfl.nu/0sq3

(530): it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam http://tfl.nu/24cr

(+61): I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you. http://tfl.nu/i3nm

(517): btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener. http://tfl.nu/k1i6

(503): All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over. http://tfl.nu/hufa

(248): Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms http://tfl.nu/jxub

(+33): We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom.  How ill would Picasso be? http://tfl.nu/rs8r

(519): I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it." http://tfl.nu/vqit

(952): Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage http://tfl.nu/dzdl

(301): Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces. http://tfl.nu/8qa1

(251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj

Animal headline of the day

Bear In Hopatcong Man’s Basement Went Undetected For Weeks

Plat du jour

Quote the day (if the day were Wednesday)

The unsuccessful Republican 2010 senatorial candidate from Delaware, Tea Party idiot Christine O'Donnell, endorsed Mitt Romney, saying,

He’s been consistent since he changed his mind.

Perhaps she's hired Yogi Berra as a speechwriter.

Don't contribute to the homo- and transphobic Salvation Army

I've put this on Facebook, but I don't think I've ever said it here. I certainly haven't this year.

Why You Shouldn't Donate to the Salvation Army Bell Ringers

Somali thugs receive U.S. justice

Somali pirates get life in U.S. court

Plat du jour

Boo, Postal Service

CVS sent me a nice 20% off coupon. It is good on the 10th and 11th. It came today, the 13th. Does anyone wonder why the Postal Service is in trouble?

TFLN time

(269): P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema. http://tfl.nu/a51s

(682): I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face http://tfl.nu/zwwu

(970): Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study. http://tfl.nu/bvl6

(412): There's strippers and [beer] every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever. http://tfl.nu/yvee

(567): For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts. http://tfl.nu/swyw

(443): You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously! http://tfl.nu/q8vz

(562): guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing". http://tfl.nu/0ckl

(201): My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now. http://tfl.nu/1l2n

Best Overheard in New York of the day

Guy #1 to friend pouring sugar in his coffee: Would you like some coffee with you sugar?
Guy #2: Would you like some up with your shut-the-fuck?

--Starbucks
via Overheard in New York, Dec 10, 2011

Plat du jour

The latest TFLNs

(580): So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep. http://tfl.nu/hhhj

(606): only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/lmd6

(708): Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
(773): Just arrived at our party http://tfl.nu/7hao

(586): It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying. http://tfl.nu/5saj

(508): wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer? http://tfl.nu/zgl0

(902): WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT http://tfl.nu/q56u

Somali thugs hindered twice

NATO Warship Intercepts Pirates

Turkish Navy Disrupt suspected Somali pirates off Kenya coast

Today's collection of TFLNs

(914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es

(210): If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night http://tfl.nu/5uhb

(520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e

(615): A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning. http://tfl.nu/fh1x

(740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym

(530): sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/p21d

Fail

"MythBusters" cannonball rips through house, van

Photo By Doug Duran, Bay Area News Group

Holiday sales, yes; holiday trees, no

As much as I dislike religion, and as much as I wish the Constitution required government to be secular and not neutral, calling something a "holiday tree" is just plain wrong. As far as I know, the only holiday this time of year that has a tree in its observance is Christmas. As long as the other holidays get an equal opportunity for public recognition, I have no problem with governmental entities calling their trees "Christmas trees."

On the other hand, I see nothing wrong with stores having "holiday sales." If they want to market to people of all religions, they would be wise to do so.

Just a couple of decent TFLNs today

(682): I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery. http://tfl.nu/qxsn

(216): I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/d2mk

Semi-random thoughts

• Calamity Chang is ending?/suspending? her monthly Beatles Burlesque show at Public Assembly. This is one of my favorite shows, with a live band fronted by singer Broadway Brassy doing Beatles (and occasional other Brit) songs. The burlesquers strip to their music. It's one of my favorite shows, and I'll really miss it.
• After the top-10 ranked Wisconsin men's basketball team lost its second game in row (sound familiar?), I thought it might turn out to be a completely disastrous week sports-wise. But the football team came through and (just barely) beat Michigan State for the Big Ten championship. Now I'm looking forward to the Rose Bowl.
• Soap.com wants me to review my purchase. Well, OK. The toilet paper is soft on my ass.

Plat du jour

Uh, this isn't Ireland.

Best comic of the day

And, before I go to bed, some TFLNs

(508): Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated. http://tfl.nu/0bri

(620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6

(219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf

(405): No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm. http://tfl.nu/8gfx

(760): I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day. http://tfl.nu/8ipd

(303): The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you http://tfl.nu/278m

(646): Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B http://tfl.nu/w0hg

Correlation does not imply causation

Animal headlines of the day

There's no way I could choose just one of these.

Flying squirrels invade hospital emergency room for second time in two weeks

Military dogs taking Xanax, receiving therapy, for canine PTSD

Pig learns to walk upright on its front legs (George Orwell would have loved this one.)

Funny Finnish bunny thinks he's a chicken

But what about a dryer?

NASA plans first space washing machine

This article says nothing about how they get the clothes dry. I'm picturing them doing a space walk and hanging them on a clothes line strung between the solar panels.

Racism is alive and well in Kentucky

(not that it isn't all over the U.S.)

Kentucky church bans interracial marriage

Thugs lose again, 7 captured; Dog used to gather evidence

Royal Navy arrests suspected pirates off Somali coast

Navy detains seven suspected pirates in Seychelles

Royal Marines capture suspected Somali pirates after high-speed chase

Animal headline of the day

Man is accidentally shot by his own dog

I think these thugs got off easy

Somali pirates jailed in France for kidnapping couple

Plat du jour

She sells insurance, I think.

Only 29 days until no more Xmas music

I don't mind most of Christmas, but the ubiquitous music just grates.

Uh, Postal Service?

I wonder how much it would cost to send St. Patrick's Day back to Ireland?

Plat du jour

TFLNs, Thanksgiving edition

(630): Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver. http://tfl.nu/1ykf

(817): she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable http://tfl.nu/cijd

(303): I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college http://tfl.nu/bc9j

(973): Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like http://tfl.nu/re6o

(561): I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition. http://tfl.nu/6rth

Plus a couple of non-Thanksgiving ones:

(646): You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std? http://tfl.nu/jhp0

(218): If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks http://tfl.nu/wfaf

Montee Ball for the Heisman!

I'm now following @MoneyBall28 on Twitter, helping to push Montee to the Heisman! On Wisconsin! #monteeball

One more reason to stay out of Walmart

Woman pepper sprays other Walmart Black Friday shoppers

Battle for Black Friday deals includes pepper spray, shootings

Plat du jour--guest submission

Found by Carolyn Ann.

The latest TFLNs

(412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life http://tfl.nu/dsvt

(502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq

(301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm

(719): Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass. http://tfl.nu/a8mt

(410): SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
(610): Don't text me with that hand http://tfl.nu/c1bj

(845): Just got motor boated by a horse in the street http://tfl.nu/nm8s

(214): I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/67tg

(469): Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved. http://tfl.nu/jqlw

(607): It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night. http://tfl.nu/nw26

(517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm? http://tfl.nu/cxi2

(+44): You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
(1+44): When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree. http://tfl.nu/esvb

Living with bobcats LVI

Washington: Backyard bobcat

Arizona: Backyard bobcat before breakfast, Wildlife sightings have police urging caution, Hello, Kitty

Colorado: In and out of town, Bobcat Attacks Family Dog In Pueblo West, Cat's paw, Another wild cat encounter, this time in Gunnison County

Connecticut: Here big kitty, kitty...bobcat spotted in Bethany

Texas: ETX Pigslayer catches bobcat, Bobcat Family Roams Lantana

Iowa: DNR: Tracks likely a bobcat

Oklahoma: Bobcat captured inside Norman city limits

Florida: Kennedy Space Center employees told to look out for bobcat

Utah: Baby bobcat found wandering streets of Ogden

I've got another birthday coming up

I know this because Livejournal sent me an e-mail reminder.

Plat du jour

Any relation to LE PROF?

Somali thugs face the law in France

France holds first trial of suspected Somali pirates

Semi-random thoughts

• I'm really happy they're bringing back Billy Crystal to host the Oscars broadcast. He was their best emcee since Johnny Carson. Maybe even better.
• Since the battery in my Droid phone sometimes lasts only about 8 hours, I always carry a spare. One evening it ran out when I was at a bar, so I put in the charged one. A guy saw this, and asked, "You can do that?" with a look of pure envy. An iPhone user, I guess.
• Facebook now gives me the choice to have my news feed in chronological order--just like the good old days, before they tried to improve things by putting what they consider the top stories first.
• Last week a Bleacher Report columnist wrote (obviously before the news about the alleged child molestation at Penn State got out) that the Wisconsin football team was "waiting on a miracle" to have even a chance to get to the Big Ten championship game. By the time the Badgers took to the field against Minnesota Saturday afternoon, the miracle had already occurred. Wisconsin needed both Penn State and Ohio State to lose a game, in addition to the Badgers winning its last three games (including the final regular season game against Penn State). Both the Nittany Lions and the Buckeyes lost, in two very close games. The Badgers' chances look quite good at this point. 

Plat du jour--guest submission

Found by Joanne, who said it was "Something we all want."

Catching up on the TFLNs

(651): I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober. http://tfl.nu/gztw

(508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj

(604): i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
(1-604): please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night. http://tfl.nu/j80d

(317): Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night. http://tfl.nu/8cwu

(416): this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me http://tfl.nu/7rt7

(515): You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it. http://tfl.nu/irby

(920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina http://tfl.nu/ae28

(914): I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
(917): The hookers weren't a dream get tested http://tfl.nu/wjzv

Plat du jour

One of the 1%.

Happy Nerd New Year! And happy anniversary to me

It's 11/11/11, Nerd New Year according to some.

It's also the 13th anniversary of the first time I went out as Caprice. No Bat Mitzvah jokes, please.

Some more bad news for the thugs

Marines to Build Mock Container Ship for Counter-Piracy Training

France launches Gulf of Guinea anti-piracy op

Plat du jour--guest submission

Similar to 3 KIDS, and 3BRATS. Found by Carolyn Ann.

The latest Texts From Last Night

(860): Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress? http://tfl.nu/gpyt

(425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party. http://tfl.nu/nzty

(402): doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question..... http://tfl.nu/jtx7

(903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix. http://tfl.nu/azut

(516): why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka? http://tfl.nu/od3j

(815): im sober
(920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58

(717): He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again... http://tfl.nu/wz8h

(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89

Gay couples aren't just like straight ones

Asking who’s the “man” and who’s the “woman” in a gay relationship is like going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.

I got this from Apathy Angel, but it seems to have been around for a while.

Micro movie review

Moneyball: Fair (but pretty close to the foul line).

Somali thugs lose one

Fishermen freed themselves, retook boat after pirate hijacking in Indian Ocean, Taiwan says

Also, this good news:

EU Navfor Warship FGs Koeln Disrupts and Sinks Pirate Action Group

And this:

Stinky Water Walls Sold as Better Pirate Shield Than Bullets

And this:

Somalia Piracy Spurs Private Navy to Start Within Five Months

Plat du jour

As far as I can tell, being a Roman has nothing to do with Adelphi University.

Thuggery continues off West Africa

Copycat pirate attacks on the rise in West Africa

Private security: Pirates seize oil tanker, kidnap crew off coast of Nigeria’s southern delta

UPDATE: Pirates release oil tanker with Pinoy crew — report

Living with wild turkeys XI

Wild Turkeys Get a Taste of Domesticity, Much to a Borough’s Chagrin

Plat du jour--guest submission

The color of the car is certainly spicyhot.

Found by Joanne.

Texts from Halloween

(630): wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/89g2

(587): My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween http://tfl.nu/z2rb

(405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk

(413): he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand http://tfl.nu/zcon

(714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
(1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y

(828): Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask.. http://tfl.nu/ioqq

(703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez

(360): There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it. http://tfl.nu/jy69

(954): in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume. http://tfl.nu/xcgb

(410): That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween! http://tfl.nu/ige5

(310): Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children? http://tfl.nu/23ha

(419): who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/wlxq

(814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01

(774): Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist. http://tfl.nu/bzfc

(714): Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume. http://tfl.nu/yo6q

(810): my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. http://tfl.nu/947a

(250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok

(801): P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play. http://tfl.nu/s3w0

(517): Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B. http://tfl.nu/djpk

Plus a few non-Halloween ones:

(575): You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup. http://tfl.nu/dggj

(860): at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/ajul

(256): I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks
(747): Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either. http://tfl.nu/6mbq

(519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
(1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0

(360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh

Not a difficult concept

Source: Brian Ellis on Facebook

Happy Palindrome Day!

It's 11/02/2011.

Somali thugs grab another ship

Somali Pirates Hijack Chemical Tanker

Plat du jour

Is the car amphibious?

Happy Halloween!

Also known as the Crossdressers' National Holiday. I prefer to think of it as Amateurs' Night.

More bad news for the Somali thugs

Britain to allow armed guards to combat sea piracy

Typical Big Ten football

Wisconsin beat Nebraska. Nebraska beat Michigan State. Michigan State beat Wisconsin.

We beat each other to a pulp.

Yay, Denmark!

Denmark to deploy surveillance aircraft against Somali pirates

Plat du jour--guest submission

I guess some people might cry because they don't have this Corvette.

Found by Joanne.

TFLNs definitely slow down on Tuesday

There are only two worth repeating today.

(240): Apparently you can coat check a keg. http://tfl.nu/sdmi

(512): That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
(210): It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
(512): Is your card paying for my plan b? http://tfl.nu/703j

Plat du jour

I think maybe Monday is when all the weekend TFLNs show up

(480): His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it. http://tfl.nu/pwa8

(704): Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night? http://tfl.nu/zhm8

(617): What time did you start drinking?
(978): Maybe.
(617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5

(401): i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree http://tfl.nu/su4s

(630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later" http://tfl.nu/rgop

Semi-random thoughts

• A high school athlete's "commitment" to attend a certain college should be renamed. They are so often changed they should be called "leanings."
• The Wisconsin football team's hopes for a national championship ended in the last few seconds of the game against Michigan State on Saturday. It was fun while it lasted, even though it was never more than a long shot. At least they can still win the Big Ten Championship and go to the Rose Bowl. Go Badgers!
• I hate websites that give the time of an entry in relative terms, like "1 hour ago." They are inexact and require unnecessary work on my part. If something is listed as happening "14 hours ago," I have to do the calculation myself. A computer could do the calculation much faster. I'm sure the website designer's excuse for not doing this is that they would have to know what time zone I'm in, but is that so difficult?    

Plat du jour--guest submission

Found by Joanne.

Back to Texts From Last Night after a long, long time

(651): raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
(608): lets go back to having secrets in our friendship http://tfl.nu/pq7s

(404): The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed http://tfl.nu/y06v

(530): Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
(530): That could use a little rephrasing http://tfl.nu/xfz9

(978): I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital.. http://tfl.nu/5pzt

(704): My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search. http://tfl.nu/gxvg

(781): One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach? http://tfl.nu/leuf

(210): My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out http://tfl.nu/di5z

(509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her. http://tfl.nu/knz9

(231): Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you. http://tfl.nu/6utw

(+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq

(512): Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids. http://tfl.nu/hflo

Living with bobcats LV

Here's the round-up from the second half of September:

Connecticut: Tolland's Resident Bobcat, Large Bobcat Thought Mountain Lion Spotted in Brookfield, School Takes Precautions After Bobcat Sightings

California: Bobcat spotted in Brand Park in Glendale, Bobcat reportedly spotted near Burbank golf course, Bobcat family spotted in Northwest Fresno, Bobcats are sizing up LCF, Bobcat suspected of nabbing family pets

New York: Possible bobcat spotted near Seneca Elementary

Arizona: OV bobcat is ready to pounce, No charges for man who shot bobcat

Idaho: The truth about wildlife in Boise

Plat du jour

A blast from the past: Britannia rules the waves

UK navy seizes pirate 'mothership'

I also liked a bit of related news in the last paragraph:

British and U.S. forces freed the cargo ship [the Montecristo] in a dramatic rescue last week after retrieving a message in a bottle tossed by hostages from a porthole alerting ships nearby that the crew was safely sealed inside an armored area.

A message in a bottle. How high tech.

90,000 visitors!

Tuesday evening this blog received its 90,000th visitor. It was someone in Philadelphia Googling "Pennsylvania bobcat."

Yay, me.

Living with bobcats LIV

Here's the round-up from the first half of September (I admit it: I'm slow.):

Texas: Bobcat in North Dallas!, Bobcat stalking prey in Plano, Denton Bobcat, Bobcat sightings raise concern in Texas neighborhood, Drought has wildlife roaming into residential areas

California: Bobcat seen prowling in Burbank neighborhood, Bobcat Sighting In Lake Elsinore, LAKE ELSINORE: Officers on ailing bobcat's trail, Bobcat Spotted in Burbank After Mountain Lion Warning, Bogue: Sit in your yard for an hour and what do you see

Arizona: Wild animals: better on television, Landowner shoots bobcat on his land, Bobcat recovering from backyard trapping, shooting, Tucson man faces investigation for trapping bobcat

Idaho: Bobcat sighted on Boise State campus

Connecticut: Bobcats Put Families on Alert

Plat du jour--guest submission

New York biologist? biographer?

Found by Joanne.

It looks like the thugs got another one

Italian vessel hijacked by pirates off Somali coast

Santorum

I know I'm 2 or 3 weeks behind on this but I did want to remark on a bit of political news that occurred. Former Sen. Rick Santorum, now a Repugnant presidential hopeful, asked Google to remove the top response one gets when one Googles his name. Which is:

Santorum 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum.

(It's actually a link to spreadingsantorum.com, a site created by sex columnist Dan Savage in response to Santorum's likening of homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality.)

Google declined, which is its normal response to requests to modify its results.

What really disturbs me about Santorum's request is that he apparently has no idea how search engines such as Google work. (Incidentally, one gets the same result looking for "Santorum" on most, if not all, of the most popular search sites.) These are tools that practically everyone who uses the internet uses frequently. To me it means Santorum is out of touch with how most Americans, whom he wants to lead, actually function. It reminds me how President Bush the First had no idea supermarkets used laser scanners to ring up people's groceries.

Also I am amused by this quote of Santorum's:

If you're a responsible business, you don't let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country.

If he really thinks this, he should also be criticizing all of the businesses that build plants in foreign countries or otherwise outsource the jobs of Americans.

(BTW, since I do have some idea of how search engines work, I know very well that my linking to Savage's site, and not linking to Santorum's campaign site, helps keep Savage's one on the top of Google's listings. Take that, homophobe Santorum.)

Plat du jour

Media high definition? Head of media? Media hot dog? I dunno.

Semi-random thoughts

Some of these thoughts occured a while ago.

• Serena Williams is just plain obnoxious. She's the one who's "out-of-control" (her description of a referee who applied the verbal interference rule against her). No matter how many titles she wins, she'll never be a champion to me. 
• Five Napkin Burgers, with half-a-dozen restaurants along the east coast, is guilty of false advertising. They give you only one napkin--which is all that is necessary for its excellent hamburgers.
• WQXR, the classical music radio station of New York City, is now a listener-supported public station. Like all public radio and television stations they have periodic fundraising drives, which interrupt their regular programming. Nobody likes to tune in to hear music and get people asking for contributions. WQXR, though, has come up with a way to capitalize on this dislike--they offer to cut their on-air drive by one hour for every $8,000 they raise before the drive starts. 
• I went to refill my back-up Metrocard, and the machine informed me my card would be expiring shortly, and offered to transfer the money I had on it to a new one. As far as I know, this is something new. In the past, I always went to an agent to do this--though I only remember doing it a couple times. When you got 20% additional for purchases over a certain amount, it was pretty easy to keep your card at an even amount of $2.25 fares. (It was even easier when the fare was only $2.00.) When a card was close to expiring, I just used it until it was empty, and then bought a new one. Now that you only get 15%, it's practically impossible to do this--there's always some odd amount left of the card.   

Good advice

Source

Animal headline of the day

Hairy, crazy ants invade from Texas to Miss.

Thugs strike on land again

Kenya: Alleged Somali pirates abduct Frenchwoman

Plat du jour

It certainly is. This was on a tiny Smart Car.

Thugs lose two

Japanese tanker comes under rocket attack in Red Sea

Plat du jour--guest submission

I didn't realize vampires drive.

Found by Joanne.

Overspecialization

So what do you do about the other eight nails?

Plat du jour

212 is one of the area codes for NYC. So?

Yawn headline of the day

Pope defends traditional values

This is like saying "The sun rises in the east."